I have been watching the stats on my site for quite some time now and the most read posts are those about NPD abuse. I thought that as I moved forward; away from this chapter of my life; writing more about self care this would become less but that does not seem to be the case. I know this is a still an important topic to discuss.
So I thought I would write something new about NPD in hopes to continue to educate and encourage anyone going through this type of relationship. Or for those that are on the other side of the abuse but may still need information from time to time.
And one area that I may not have touched on before is the Drama that the Narc thrives on. The more of it the better. The more chaos they can create for the primary source, secondary or even one discarded; the more supply they receive. If the Narc can create drama for you; they get validated somehow. One who is healthy usually wishes to avoid drama, so this is tough to comprehend.
But when I think of a Narc, my view is that of a flea. A nasty, annoying little mite that can not survive without a host. We itch and claw to make them go away. We watch our pets scratch and shake in attempt to get rid of these. And we put special medication on them to help them. Just like our pets need our help, we have to help each other in staying the healthy course. We have to learn some new ways of coping and how to avoid the drama the Narc creates.
So I thought we should explore some ways to combat the drama that might occur when the Narc makes contact. When (NOT IF), the Narc makes contact; we have a choice. No matter how much time has gone by; no matter if they have moved on; are “committed” to someone else; you are committed to someone else; you have relocated, had no contact for over a year or more; the Narc will make contact.
When the contact is made you may not feel like you had any choices in that moment. You may be confused as to how they were even able to call you, see you, email you. You may have felt that you were insulated in your new world. You might feel, as I did, that the length of time of no contact meant a true moving on. But don’t let that confusion derail you from the path you are on now. Don’t spend too much time on the how or why. That doesn’t really matter.
What matters is continuing to focus on your own health. On your current situation and circumstances. If you are in a healthy relationship now, continue to thrive. If you are working on getting healthy and the Narc has broken your no contact boundaries; it’s a reset moment. It is not a failure on your part!
Here are a few ways to stop the Narc from creating drama in your world:
- Tell everyone when they have made contact. Do not stay silent. Do not hide the contact from your new, healthy partner, your family and friends. You did nothing wrong. You need the support of those around you to stay the course.
- Do not give it too much thought and attention. Let the dark cloud this creates roll past you quickly. Stay focused on all your progress and the healthy life you have now.
- If need be; re-block phone numbers, emails, any contact information. Change your contact information, like you phone number or email address if need be. Move if you need to. DO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO BE SAFE.
- Continue to do the things you enjoy. DO NOT let the Narc win by confusing your mind. DO NOT let them live rent free in your head! (thanks babe for that piece of advice)
- Re-evaluate your boundaries and be very clear (with yourself) on the consequences if they are broken. That may mean knowing how to initiate a restraining order. That may mean contacting your HR department at work. Installing cameras around your home. Alerting the authorities to a stalker situation.
You do not have to be dragged into the drama these folks wish to create. You are healthy now. You have choices. You have boundaries. And when these are broken, think of these ways to stop the dam from bursting. Know that you are not alone. You have strong men and women who have gone before you; who are in this with you and you can continue to move on.
Drama is not a part of our world anymore!