Posted in Sunday quotes

Sunday Reflections–How do you fight?

It’s another Sunday that I am reflecting on this weekend and as couples do, we had a moment of disagreement.  This has me thinking about how we you go to battle over different thoughts, ideals or interpretations of things in couplehood?  How do you disagree, be upset or angry and yet still be loving as well?  Is this even possible?

I have read before that how a couple fights is one of the biggest determinations of their success and longevity.  How they speak and react to each other will predict if they will stand the test of time  I have no idea if this is true or not, but I can understand why this would be a large part of a relationship success study.

In an argument; when your feelings are hurt, you feel misunderstood, or you are just plain angry, most of us are not thinking clearly and often not behaving at our best.  How can we make sure our voice or view is heard while still showing respect and care to the one we love?

Having a successful relationship takes a lot of work.  It is not easy and yet I believe our human nature is to fight against this fact.  We want it to be smooth all the time.  We do not desire to argue and disagree or hurt each others feelings.  Human nature is often lazy (although we do not like to believe this; at least I do not) and to have a healthy relationship takes effort, time and energy that we do not always feel like expending.

In evaluating our disagreement post fact and knowing we desire to be among those who are successful in relationships, I thought I would share what I think are the ways to argue in a healthy way with your partner.

  1. Keep voices calm and at normal volume.  I know this may be very tough to do, but this is the person you love, why would you want to yell or scream at them?
  2. Stay committed to the issue at hand.  This can be tough, especially if you are the one who has done something to offend.  Our desire is to fight back; defend our self and take “the heat off us” so to speak.  Turning the argument into another one does not solve the first issue, stay on topic.
  3. Arguing should be done privately. Find a time that you can be alone without children or others.  Never in front of friends or in public.
  4. Stay respectful.  Know and believe that that your partner is desiring the same goal; to have a healthy, loving relationship.  Stay away from attacking each other and use I statements rather than You statements.  If you didn’t study this in school, here is what I mean: An I statement is a way to communicate that focuses on your own feelings or thoughts rather than those characteristics of the recipient.  An example of this would be: “I feel angry when the dishes are often left in the sink rather than put in the dishwasher, it makes me feel unappreciated and that I am the only one that pays attention to cleaning the kitchen.”  This is better than attacking and saying “You never wash the dishes, you do not care about a clean kitchen.” etc.    I know this is very challenging in the beginning, but the more you practice this, it becomes easier and easier.
  5. Forgive and apologize quickly.  Say you are sorry when you do something wrong.  Choose reconciliation over being right.  You are building a partnership, this requires an immense amount of grace for yourself and the one you love.

When we live with any other human we are going to have disagreements.  Living with others can help refine and shape us into our best selves if we let it. Arguments can teach us new things about our partner and give us the opportunity to grow closer.  And in choosing to live your best self; learning, changing and adapting is a requirement.  There will be struggles along the way, but perhaps these few tools will help you if you are navigating this life with another.

Have a blessed day.  Continue in choosing the path that leads you to your best life.

Posted in General, Sunday quotes

Happy Mother’s Day 2020

It’s another different celebration in this strange year. Many of us are social distancing and can’t hug on or even see face to face our loved ones. It’s a tough time to rejoice and enjoy celebrating.

I’m finding today bittersweet. Feeling loved and spoiled but a little sad too. Some things technology can’t give us. And I know I’m not alone in this.

For all you mamas out there, no matter if alone or with those that make you a mom know you are recognized for the value you have as the gardener of this life.

May you find joy today no matter what for even just a moment.

Posted in Sunday quotes

Sunday reflections; thinking about love in the time of Covid.

I am having a hard day.  I miss my kids.  I miss going to meet friends.  I miss just being able to walk around a book store (one of my favorite things).  And I am finding the longer this quarantine and stay home order lasts, the toll it can take on our relationships.

As we are home, all together, all hours of all the days, some of us may find this harder than others.  For those that are like me, who need alone time, this time could feel claustrophobic, caged in, overwhelming and these feelings are not very conducive to creating a loving atmosphere.

So this has me thinking about the ease of love.  How easy it is to love one another when we have some space, other activities and things to take up our time.  When we have escapes if you will with our friends or colleagues.  When we see new and different things out in the world that we can bring home and share.  When we seem or our partners seem more interesting. And while there are tough times in all relationships, I think this moment in time has magnified ALL things.  And some of these are tough, not so great.

We are not getting breaks.  We are not seeing other faces.  We do not have a random story to share when we come from work as we work from home all week.  We are stuck together with those we may choose or not choose to be with.  How do you keep loving in the midst of this time?  How do you let this moment bind you together and strengthen you rather than weaken?

As I struggle today, have a headache from too many tears, I am reminded of the love we have in our faith.  I have been listening on repeat to songs that bring me hope, encouragement and strength.  I am reminded that Love casts out Fear.  We have this time to build rather than tear down.  We are getting a gift; although it does not feel like it every day.

Love as an emotion is easy.  It says all the “right’ things, makes you smile and feel good.  It doesn’t take any real strength or action to tell someone you love them.  But I have always viewed love as a verb.  It is more than an emotion.  It has to be tough.  It has to weather storms, battles and disease.  It has to speak truth when your feelings are hurt.  It has to share more than a kiss and hug.  It has to accept sad and happy moments.  It pushes through pain and sorrow and fear.  It has to act in a way of honesty and integrity. If it has the power to cast out fear; then it has the power to bring us strength; to build, to render hope. And in this current season, it has an opportunity to shine through some hard moments.

Loving your family in an all day, everyday, feeling way is easy.  But in this unexpected time we are living in across the world right now, it has required us to get very real with our actions.  It has shown me how much harder this is to do when we are all together all the time.  When each one is processing loss and sadness.  When at times there are just too many people and meals and needs.

Each one of us is handling this time differently and we all have different ways we need to receive love.  Today for me that meant pouring my grief, frustrations, pain all out on this man I share my life with.  And him trying very hard to show me love back when I can imagine I was not that lovable.  But that is what love does; it accepts all.  All the ugly moments.  All the good.  And in this time of uncertainty and loss; we can choose to see the moments “stuck at home” as an opportunity to grow in our love.  Love can handle the honesty, it can handle the sorrow and the pain.  It can handle being quarantined if we let it.

I hope that wherever you are you are loved.  I hope you have someone who holds you even when your eyes hurt to stay open because they have cried too many tears.  I hope this time strengthens your relationships.   And if alone, know that none of us are ever truly alone.  We are all going through this human experience; we are in this together.

Keep holding onto love.

 

 

Posted in Sunday quotes

Roaring like a lion

It’s a new month today!  It is said that this month comes in “roaring like a lion and goes out like a lamb”, have you ever heard this phrase before?  I have but had not thought of it in awhile so I looked it up. It means that March comes in with Winter still going strong but when the month ends Spring is upon us.  As I am waking up to a spectacular sunrise over a whole bunch of mountain peaks in very cold temperatures, I am reminded of this.

And it has me thinking about how we approach life sometimes.  How there are seasons where we are going all out, chasing our dreams and goals, making strides in our relationships or businesses, pursuing the hard things.  I see this as roaring like a lion. And then there are the times when we are more laid back, going with the flow, enjoying the fruits of our labor, I see this as the lamb season.

These thoughts do not have to apply to literal seasons such as Winter and Spring but also as the seasons of our lives.  Where are you right now?  Are you in pursuit of your desires?  Are you hustling; chasing those dreams?  Making changes?  Or are you enjoying the work you have done and are more relaxed?  Playing more than working?  Taking more time to rest?

Just like the seasons change and each brings something new to wonder and marvel at, we too have seasons in our relationships, bodies, employment, parenting, etc.  We are never standing still.  We are not the same next year as we are today.

Waking up to this incredible view this morning, I am in awe.  I wish the above picture could do the majesty justice.  But is hard to capture something that is meant for the eye to see standing in front of it.  It reminds me of how small and tiny I am in this big huge world.  How I am just one person. But also how each of us have something unique and special to bring to this life.  We may be tiny but we are not insignificant.

No matter what season you may be in your life journey, appreciate where you are.  Look around you and find some beauty.  Sometimes you will be given the gift to wake up and see the wonder that is this life; enjoy it!  Marvel at it.  Take it in and let the seasons of this life grow you into who you were meant to be.

Whether you are roaring or relaxing, see the beauty. Find the joy. The best you is the one who knows how valuable you are and who shares that with others. The one that stands in moments of awe and majesty and is grateful to be alive. Who sees all the hard, tough, brutal seasons as the winter of this journey; believing and knowing that spring is on it’s way.

Are you standing in front of something so spectacular that you are in awe? Please share!

Posted in Sunday quotes

Sunday reflections (31) – final review

On this last Sunday of the year I’m thinking about all the things this year brought. Looking back through my posts and seeing where I grew and where I have more work to do. Sharing my thoughts, ideas and details of my life is a rewarding, cathartic and interesting activity for me to partake in. Writing a blog gives me an outlet to feel “published” and share thoughts with even just one who may feel empowered and encouraged. Seeing readers throughout the world is always amazing to me. I love seeing a new reader in a new country.

As I’m reviewing this blog today, I can see that I was not as consistent with writing every single Sunday as I was hoping I would be. I may have been somewhat repetitive in my posts. And I need to become more focused on what I want this blog to be.

With one year ending and a new one beginning I’m excited to set new intentions for Wordy Chick. To create a better viewing experience and better content. My original intent with this blog was to share my experiences moving through a relationship with a narcissist. It helped me to share what I was learning and hoping that maybe my experiences could help someone else as I was recovering and rebuilding my life. As my life has moved forward and far away from that moment, I’ve tried to move this blog away from that topic to more of a best self/life blog.

In evaluating today I think I’ve done that. Although the posts about recovering and moving on from a narcissist are still the most read posts, my hope for this new year is to continue to contribute new ideas about how to live your best life. This new year I plan to focus more on lists and ways to practically implement ideas to help cultivate the life you desire.

My hope is to encourage you more often. To share more of myself and learn to write better. Only by continually growing do we evolve into better. I have enjoyed watching the blogs I read and follow grow and become better. Perhaps this year you might even start a blog; knowing we each have something amazing to offer this world I encourage you to do so. You might have something important to share!

I hope you enjoy this last week of 2019. I hope you set new intentions for the new year not just a resolution that might easily be tossed aside. I look forward to sharing more of this amazing life with you.

Happy New Year!