Posted in Sunday quotes

Sunday Reflections–How do you fight?

It’s another Sunday that I am reflecting on this weekend and as couples do, we had a moment of disagreement.  This has me thinking about how we you go to battle over different thoughts, ideals or interpretations of things in couplehood?  How do you disagree, be upset or angry and yet still be loving as well?  Is this even possible?

I have read before that how a couple fights is one of the biggest determinations of their success and longevity.  How they speak and react to each other will predict if they will stand the test of time  I have no idea if this is true or not, but I can understand why this would be a large part of a relationship success study.

In an argument; when your feelings are hurt, you feel misunderstood, or you are just plain angry, most of us are not thinking clearly and often not behaving at our best.  How can we make sure our voice or view is heard while still showing respect and care to the one we love?

Having a successful relationship takes a lot of work.  It is not easy and yet I believe our human nature is to fight against this fact.  We want it to be smooth all the time.  We do not desire to argue and disagree or hurt each others feelings.  Human nature is often lazy (although we do not like to believe this; at least I do not) and to have a healthy relationship takes effort, time and energy that we do not always feel like expending.

In evaluating our disagreement post fact and knowing we desire to be among those who are successful in relationships, I thought I would share what I think are the ways to argue in a healthy way with your partner.

  1. Keep voices calm and at normal volume.  I know this may be very tough to do, but this is the person you love, why would you want to yell or scream at them?
  2. Stay committed to the issue at hand.  This can be tough, especially if you are the one who has done something to offend.  Our desire is to fight back; defend our self and take “the heat off us” so to speak.  Turning the argument into another one does not solve the first issue, stay on topic.
  3. Arguing should be done privately. Find a time that you can be alone without children or others.  Never in front of friends or in public.
  4. Stay respectful.  Know and believe that that your partner is desiring the same goal; to have a healthy, loving relationship.  Stay away from attacking each other and use I statements rather than You statements.  If you didn’t study this in school, here is what I mean: An I statement is a way to communicate that focuses on your own feelings or thoughts rather than those characteristics of the recipient.  An example of this would be: “I feel angry when the dishes are often left in the sink rather than put in the dishwasher, it makes me feel unappreciated and that I am the only one that pays attention to cleaning the kitchen.”  This is better than attacking and saying “You never wash the dishes, you do not care about a clean kitchen.” etc.    I know this is very challenging in the beginning, but the more you practice this, it becomes easier and easier.
  5. Forgive and apologize quickly.  Say you are sorry when you do something wrong.  Choose reconciliation over being right.  You are building a partnership, this requires an immense amount of grace for yourself and the one you love.

When we live with any other human we are going to have disagreements.  Living with others can help refine and shape us into our best selves if we let it. Arguments can teach us new things about our partner and give us the opportunity to grow closer.  And in choosing to live your best self; learning, changing and adapting is a requirement.  There will be struggles along the way, but perhaps these few tools will help you if you are navigating this life with another.

Have a blessed day.  Continue in choosing the path that leads you to your best life.

Posted in General, Sunday quotes

Happy Mother’s Day 2020

It’s another different celebration in this strange year. Many of us are social distancing and can’t hug on or even see face to face our loved ones. It’s a tough time to rejoice and enjoy celebrating.

I’m finding today bittersweet. Feeling loved and spoiled but a little sad too. Some things technology can’t give us. And I know I’m not alone in this.

For all you mamas out there, no matter if alone or with those that make you a mom know you are recognized for the value you have as the gardener of this life.

May you find joy today no matter what for even just a moment.

Posted in Sunday quotes

Sunday reflections; thinking about love in the time of Covid.

I am having a hard day.  I miss my kids.  I miss going to meet friends.  I miss just being able to walk around a book store (one of my favorite things).  And I am finding the longer this quarantine and stay home order lasts, the toll it can take on our relationships.

As we are home, all together, all hours of all the days, some of us may find this harder than others.  For those that are like me, who need alone time, this time could feel claustrophobic, caged in, overwhelming and these feelings are not very conducive to creating a loving atmosphere.

So this has me thinking about the ease of love.  How easy it is to love one another when we have some space, other activities and things to take up our time.  When we have escapes if you will with our friends or colleagues.  When we see new and different things out in the world that we can bring home and share.  When we seem or our partners seem more interesting. And while there are tough times in all relationships, I think this moment in time has magnified ALL things.  And some of these are tough, not so great.

We are not getting breaks.  We are not seeing other faces.  We do not have a random story to share when we come from work as we work from home all week.  We are stuck together with those we may choose or not choose to be with.  How do you keep loving in the midst of this time?  How do you let this moment bind you together and strengthen you rather than weaken?

As I struggle today, have a headache from too many tears, I am reminded of the love we have in our faith.  I have been listening on repeat to songs that bring me hope, encouragement and strength.  I am reminded that Love casts out Fear.  We have this time to build rather than tear down.  We are getting a gift; although it does not feel like it every day.

Love as an emotion is easy.  It says all the “right’ things, makes you smile and feel good.  It doesn’t take any real strength or action to tell someone you love them.  But I have always viewed love as a verb.  It is more than an emotion.  It has to be tough.  It has to weather storms, battles and disease.  It has to speak truth when your feelings are hurt.  It has to share more than a kiss and hug.  It has to accept sad and happy moments.  It pushes through pain and sorrow and fear.  It has to act in a way of honesty and integrity. If it has the power to cast out fear; then it has the power to bring us strength; to build, to render hope. And in this current season, it has an opportunity to shine through some hard moments.

Loving your family in an all day, everyday, feeling way is easy.  But in this unexpected time we are living in across the world right now, it has required us to get very real with our actions.  It has shown me how much harder this is to do when we are all together all the time.  When each one is processing loss and sadness.  When at times there are just too many people and meals and needs.

Each one of us is handling this time differently and we all have different ways we need to receive love.  Today for me that meant pouring my grief, frustrations, pain all out on this man I share my life with.  And him trying very hard to show me love back when I can imagine I was not that lovable.  But that is what love does; it accepts all.  All the ugly moments.  All the good.  And in this time of uncertainty and loss; we can choose to see the moments “stuck at home” as an opportunity to grow in our love.  Love can handle the honesty, it can handle the sorrow and the pain.  It can handle being quarantined if we let it.

I hope that wherever you are you are loved.  I hope you have someone who holds you even when your eyes hurt to stay open because they have cried too many tears.  I hope this time strengthens your relationships.   And if alone, know that none of us are ever truly alone.  We are all going through this human experience; we are in this together.

Keep holding onto love.

 

 

Posted in General

Stuck at home? Quarantined? 6 things you can still do to practice self care.

It’s a strange time we’re living in right now. Most everyone I know would agree we’ve not lived through moments like this before. We don’t have experience in lock downs and stay at home orders. We aren’t used to seeing folks in masks at the grocery store. Or viewing empty shelves and lines just to buy the essentials. This moment in time is new and unprecedented for most of us.

While my morning looks the same today; quiet, sun shining, coffee in hand and my family still sleeping; the world we live in isn’t the same. We sat glued to the television last night watching the expected”stay at home” order announcement. As we went about our evening after I couldn’t help but think what that means for tomorrow when I’m to go to work. It’s hard to know how this order effects my day to day life. I’m not in an essential job (in my opinion) but I’m sure my employer sees this differently. So I’m waking up in a new reality trying to make some decisions.

One thing I’m thinking on though is how to get some self care in when everyone is home and there’s very little chance to get alone time. As a mother how do I still take care of myself while all the children are around every moment? I’m sure many of you parents are stressed and worried and are busy caring for so many others that your own needs are lost in the fray.   Besides the new worries about health we still have the same stressors as before with jobs, bills and now how to make sure these kids’ education stays on track. It is a different world already and here in the US; only under 2 weeks into this crisis. 

So how do we cope?  How do we function in a world gone mad in some ways?  What do you do to stay focused on goals? To stay healthy mentally and physically?   We all know to keep distances from others outside our homes.  We know not to shake hands or hug on others.   But what do we do for our own individual sanity each day?  

Here are a few things I am doing to keep myself from becoming too overwhelmed by this moment in time: 

  1. Believe this too shall pass!  Having Faith in times of trials has always helped me.  No matter what that faith is in, call it God, Universe, etc…believing there is a purpose to life and our own individual place in it, helps me get through moments that do not make much sense.  Faith is like a house foundation for me.  It holds everything else up.
  2. Continue to keep similar routines, even with everyone home.  I have been the first one up (most days) for the last few years.  I am still continuing that.   Still starting my day with quiet meditation, reading and journaling.  Still setting my alarm to get up and start the day; not hiding under the covers.  
  3. Keep active!  Exercise is always important for physical and mental health.  Keep going for a walk; even if in your house.  Do sit ups.  Squats. Push ups.  Do things that will get your heart rate up (if you are healthy to do so) and help those positive endorphins release.  
  4. Set a time for how much you read or watch the news.  Just like crisis’s in the past, the news coverage is on 24/7.  We have access to news from all over the globe.  We have to learn to turn it off now and again.  Creating a boundary for the amount of time we devote to being hammered with information is important. Boundaries are for our protection, set limits. 
  5. Learn a new skill.   Now is the time to try something new at home that you may have always been interested in.  There have been numerous websites that are listing classes, videos, webcasts or podcasts for free.  You can probably at least get an introduction to something you have been waiting to learn.  
  6.  Get enough rest.  Do not stay up late watching another news cast.  You will be able to see it all the next day.  Do not stay up late eating cause you are stressed about how to pay everything and what will you do next.  Sleep is vital to your brain function.  You need your mind and body to function at optimal health and sleep is necessary to achieve this.  If you suffer insomnia (especially in times of stress) try to take rests often; at least close your eyes and try to turn the mind noise down.  

In times of stress it is very hard to make time for yourself and your needs.  I know we are all experiencing different reactions to this crisis, but remember each life is valuable.  YOU MATTER!  Your family needs you to be at your best.  No matter what crisis comes our way we will get to the other side.  Taking care of yourself makes you better prepared to care for others.  Keep fighting to stay healthy and sane. 

Wishing each of you good health. 

Posted in Uncategorized

Monday motivations

March is definitely roaring in like a lion with cold wintry temperatures and sunshine today!  But even in the cold, we can see the signs of Spring coming.  Flowers beginning to pop up all around the neighborhood and the days becoming longer (at least here in the NW).

This has me struggling to be indoors without any light from any windows this morning.  Work is challenging to concentrate on and I am itching to enjoy the sunshine.  To kick off this week, I am posting motivations; for you and for me.

May we each have a fabulous Monday!

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