As the New Year has started, our typical Northwest winter weather has hit! Rain. Rain and more rain. I’m already over it and we’re barely into January.
I saw a little boy running and jumping in the rain today. For some reason it stopped me. I thought, how often do we run in the rain? How often do we abandon ourselves to childlike play?
So much of this adult life is about responsibilities. About serious things. Growing up so often means leaving childish play behind.
How do you approach a new year? Do you set goals? Create schedules and plans? Map out a plan to achieve new heights?
While setting goals and having dreams are all good there’s something to be said for easing into even more or greater responsibilities. Perhaps as we start a fresh year; with renewed hope for all the new brings; perhaps we may learn to dance or sing or play; maybe even in the rain.
How often do you find yourself making excuses for why you are not where you want to be? Are you trying to lose weight but you just can’t? Are you tired of feeling broke but you just can’t get ahead for whatever reason? Are you not happy with your relationships and they always seem to be the same but you don’t know why?
There are so many ways in which we make excuses for the things that are not going “right” in our lives. Often we find other people are the target for these reasons; “My spouse doesn’t support me.” “I have kids” “My boss is too demanding.” We have all heard or even used these at one time or another. Or we blame that we are too busy. We do not have enough money. Or the classic; I am just too tired!
Thinking about the last quarter of this year and wanting to meet my personal goals that I set out for myself back in January has me taking a look at the excuses I allow myself. I have used the I am too tired more times than I can count. That I have too many other things on my agenda to make room for a workout. I am learning new things at work I do not have time to take that class I have been interested in.
Excuses do not make us feel better when we do not accomplish a goal. Excuses do not excuse bad behavior. Bottom line for me they are not a good enough reason to not accomplish my goals.
We ALL have the same amount of hours in each day. We are ALL busy in some fashion. We ALL have things that distract us. But what sets those who finish and meet their goals apart from those who don’t? I am convinced that one of the key differences between goal setters and goal achievers is excuses.
Those who complete their goals know that they can come up with (at times legitimate) excuses BUT they DO NOT sit down in their excuse! Goal achievers press on DESPITE them. They want the accomplishment MORE. They are willing to move their mind and body to take the actions needed to work around the excuses and get it done!
They are up early. They are up late. They work on their lunch break. Eat off the lighter menu. Plan meals ahead of time. Set up automatic reminders. Have accountability partners. Goal achievers have found ways to work around and with their excuses rather than allow them to derail their progress.
As I am planning these last few months of 2020 and wanting to see some specific goals achieved I am planning for how to work with my excuses and not let them stop me anymore! I have set up walking time everyday to meet my goal of a healthier lifestyle. I have an automatic payment set up so I can meet my goal of saving more. I wake and read a few minutes everyday so I can meet my goal of reading a set amount of books this year. And this list still needs more updating and planning.
What are you doing to combat your excuses? Have you checked in on your goals and dreams in awhile? There is still time in this crazy year to get things completed! You can do this!
Yesterday marked 3 years of blog writing! So much has changed since that first post.
I started blogging as a way to release all the thoughts and feelings I was dealing with in a season of turmoil. Writing was cathartic. By connecting with others through this open forum, some of the pain in that season was lessened. It was helpful to connect and share with others who may have been going through similar times. During that first year of blogging I learned a lot about myself and how to heal.
The last couple of years have been so far removed from that season that my writing has changed. It is fun and rewarding to see all that has happened in my life throughout that time. To be able to go back and read old posts and see the growth is a special kind of gift.
If you have ever thought about writing a blog; I am here to tell you to go for it! Just start writing. Do not over think and over plan; just write what comes naturally to you.
My hope in sharing this blog has been that I can offer hope and encouragement to others. I have been through some tough seasons (who hasn’t) and I believe we all have something to share from those times. I found that this was a great place to release and share those learnings.
Thank you to all that take the time to read the musings of a gal with too many words in her head. I appreciate everything the past 3 years have brought. This life is truly hard but filled with amazing abundance!
It’s another Sunday that I am reflecting on this weekend and as couples do, we had a moment of disagreement. This has me thinking about how we you go to battle over different thoughts, ideals or interpretations of things in couplehood? How do you disagree, be upset or angry and yet still be loving as well? Is this even possible?
I have read before that how a couple fights is one of the biggest determinations of their success and longevity. How they speak and react to each other will predict if they will stand the test of time I have no idea if this is true or not, but I can understand why this would be a large part of a relationship success study.
In an argument; when your feelings are hurt, you feel misunderstood, or you are just plain angry, most of us are not thinking clearly and often not behaving at our best. How can we make sure our voice or view is heard while still showing respect and care to the one we love?
Having a successful relationship takes a lot of work. It is not easy and yet I believe our human nature is to fight against this fact. We want it to be smooth all the time. We do not desire to argue and disagree or hurt each others feelings. Human nature is often lazy (although we do not like to believe this; at least I do not) and to have a healthy relationship takes effort, time and energy that we do not always feel like expending.
In evaluating our disagreement post fact and knowing we desire to be among those who are successful in relationships, I thought I would share what I think are the ways to argue in a healthy way with your partner.
- Keep voices calm and at normal volume. I know this may be very tough to do, but this is the person you love, why would you want to yell or scream at them?
- Stay committed to the issue at hand. This can be tough, especially if you are the one who has done something to offend. Our desire is to fight back; defend our self and take “the heat off us” so to speak. Turning the argument into another one does not solve the first issue, stay on topic.
- Arguing should be done privately. Find a time that you can be alone without children or others. Never in front of friends or in public.
- Stay respectful. Know and believe that that your partner is desiring the same goal; to have a healthy, loving relationship. Stay away from attacking each other and use I statements rather than You statements. If you didn’t study this in school, here is what I mean: An I statement is a way to communicate that focuses on your own feelings or thoughts rather than those characteristics of the recipient. An example of this would be: “I feel angry when the dishes are often left in the sink rather than put in the dishwasher, it makes me feel unappreciated and that I am the only one that pays attention to cleaning the kitchen.” This is better than attacking and saying “You never wash the dishes, you do not care about a clean kitchen.” etc. I know this is very challenging in the beginning, but the more you practice this, it becomes easier and easier.
- Forgive and apologize quickly. Say you are sorry when you do something wrong. Choose reconciliation over being right. You are building a partnership, this requires an immense amount of grace for yourself and the one you love.
When we live with any other human we are going to have disagreements. Living with others can help refine and shape us into our best selves if we let it. Arguments can teach us new things about our partner and give us the opportunity to grow closer. And in choosing to live your best self; learning, changing and adapting is a requirement. There will be struggles along the way, but perhaps these few tools will help you if you are navigating this life with another.
Have a blessed day. Continue in choosing the path that leads you to your best life.