Posted in Monday Musings

Monday motivations–getting started

Thinking about how to stay on track with goals and dreams had me thinking this past weekend that maybe it’s time for a new series. I enjoyed posting a new vocabulary word last year and just always like the idea of having a specific topic to write about in a series type format.

So with that idea in mind and wanting to keep this blog continuing forward with more self care and best life tips; I’m kicking off motivation Mondays. This is where I might post a quote, a story, a list or anything I think may be of value to anyone that might need some motivation to continue to pursue your best life and tackle your goals and dreams. I know I can often use the extra push in my daily pursuit to be better than the day before.

So today, let’s kick things off! I have a list of dreams that I am dedicated to achieving in this next decade and I can use to stay on track. So today let’t start with a quote that is motivating to me; perhaps it will be for you as well.

This is where it starts! What are you thinking on? What are you hoping and planning to achieve this year? This decade? It’s starts with belief! It’s a choice of believe it’s possible. A choice to take action.

So today think about your dreams. Think on what you want for your life. Start with your thoughts. Dream about what’s possible.

Till next time…

Posted in Wordy Wednesday

Wordy Girl Wednesday–The house that builds us

I’ve been thinking about houses the past few days. Why we choose the ones we do. How we decide the”right”one for our family or possible future family.  How we determine what spaces are the most important and what we must have; like the best kitchen or bathroom, etc.

Having owned a few homes, lived in apartments and now rent a house, I have a lot of experience in this area. Since I’ve been divorced I’ve lived in at least 9 different places. All in the same area. Almost all different sizes.

I have often voiced the thought of how having a smaller home helps love grow. In a home that’s large with lots of options to escape each other perhaps you don’t work things out as readily as a small home requires. So I find I like living in a space that is smaller but open, that requires us to work through issues quickly. It’s challenging to hide your feelings when you have no where to escape to. Even when the space becomes crowded I would still choose our smaller home to the big homes I’ve had in the past.

It’s cozy and warm. It’s open and bright. And our family and friends feel welcome. The size of the home isn’t what matters but what you fill it up with. Who more importantly. I’m hopeful the houses I’ve resided in raise up children who feel loved and ready to explore the world. That my partner feels encouraged and supported in his endeavors and that we thrive as a team.

The house you prefer will look different than mine. And my needs for what my home provides will change. For now these rooms are filled with what we need in this season. I believe love and harmony grow best when relationships are watered and fed. When we communicate and listen with each other.  And I find that no matter what your house looks like, it is the folks that you live with that create the home.

May you feel blessed today.  May you love the home you are building.

I would love to hear from you; what is your favorite space in your house? Do you prefer tiny or large?

Posted in NPD

Updated NPD post–A Recovering Narc Victim

I have been debating writing this post. I wrote at the end of the year about wanting to move this blog towards a new place, away from this topic.  But this topic still seems relevant and many of you read or reread the NPD posts so I thought I would provide a sort of “update” on this topic.  I am at a very different place than when I first started blogging about this.  But even with where I’m at now, I still struggle at times. There are still remnants; pieces that are misshapen and need tender care. There are moments of confusion and questioning myself.

I like to think because I’m healthy, have no contact with the narc and am in love and in a healthy relationship that I was all “healed” from the damage. But the truth is, being a victim of any abuse leaves you scared.  Leaves you with moments of doubt and uncertainty.

When you have been a narcissists supply, you have been deceived in a hideous, insidious way. You essentially have your brain warped; mind f’d we call it. The wires have to (in some ways) be reprogrammed to think normally again. And I’m not sure how long that takes.

So I thought I would write what this recovering looks like to me. I am not any authority on abuse or know what you need if in this situation, so please seek help if you are in danger. But I do know what I’ve studied and gone through after experiencing narcissistic abuse. What I’ve done to get healthy and perhaps some of these things can help you as well.

My steps of recovery:

1. Recognizing what abuse is. Reading and studying about narcissistic abuse. The more I learned the more power I developed to fight my mind when it wanted to believe the opposite. When I wanted to think there was actual love there, I had to unlearn the things he made me believe were love.

2. Listening to the voice that says this isn’t right. That gut instinct. The isolation from family and friends, how you’re spoken to, the hot/cold moods, the insistence to please and the forceful ways in which you are made to do so. None of that was okay. And you’re gut almost always knows this. I’ve learned to listen to it now.

3. Absolute zero contact. I read over and over how vital this is to healing and would agree. I blocked, deleted and made sure to avoid any places where any contact would be likely. I’m lucky I was able to follow through. The narc didn’t respect those boundaries all the time, but what matters is that I follow that. Often as the victim we don’t know how to sever the tie and because our brain has been messed up, we become addicted to the abuser. Zero contact was the hardest but most effective action for healing.

4. Journaling and writing about it all helped me feel less alone. Helped me understand more of this type of abuser and gave me a voice I didn’t have in any other way. And writing is a fabulous outlet to help process all the emotions you’re not sure how to handle. Sometimes just getting them out even if to just tear it up helps release those feelings that you have no where else to put them.

5. I focused on my health and creating a life I loved. I didn’t stay focused on the losses. Or the abuse. I would give it thought, write about it and then move onto something else. I read all the time. Kept busy with friends and tried to stay busy.  I became physically active to help in releasing all those happy endorphins; to keep myself positive.

Each of us has to do what we can to heal from abuse. Hopefully we choose to heal and move on in a healthy way. My process has worked for me. And yet I still have moments where I see more work to be done. The wounds are long scared over but they are still there. If you’re in the open wound or scabbed over stage, I recommend seeking help. Be part of a community that will support your healing. Take ideas from others. Read. Write. Healing from narcissistic abuse is a journey. But one you can recover from and move forward to build a beautiful life.

Posted in Monday Musings

Monday Musings – dreaming

Happy Monday everyone! I am one of those folks that do not mind Mondays so much. I’m sure I would enjoy them more if I was working for myself and didn’t have to be out the door by 630am. But still, it’s the beginning of a new week! Anything is possible.

I have old songs running through my head today.  One line; “I’ve always been a dreamer” by the Eagles is playing in my mind today. I am busy dreaming today. Dreaming of all the plans I have for this year and decade ahead.  Now I am a realist as much as a dreamer so I know that many things may not come true, but I am a believer in the saying “shoot for the moon and even if you miss you will land among the stars.”  So one of my motto’s is “why not try?!”

Whether you are starting a new year, new business, new relationship, new job, etc; there are always things you can do to set yourself up for the most success in these ventures.  And that is what we all want right, to be successful in whatever we are attempting to build, grow or change in our lives?

So what do you to to ensure that success?  As this new week starts, I have set my plan for how to tackle at least a few or my goals.  One week at a time is my focus this year.  As I talked about in last weeks post, rather than set a whole bunch of abstract goals that are not very clearly defined, I want to try something new this year.

I thought I would share how I am working on goals and dreams this year.

  • Asking myself new questions.  Such as where do I want to be at the end of this year?  What do I want my body to look like?  My bank account?  My relationships?  Career? Business?   You can apply these questions to your own world and what your priorities currently are.
  • Focusing on one major goal at a time.  For me one dream that I have had for years is to finish writing a book.  So each week I plan to write a chapter or two.  By giving myself one task to do for this goal,  I am breaking it down so it does not seem so overwhelming.  I am not trying to eat the whole elephant in one sitting.
  • Another goal is to be more active.  I could have set the goal to lose a specific amount of weight and although that may be in my mind, I am not focusing on that.  Instead I am just staying committed to moving more.  To being active every single day.  By setting that as my daily plan and not stressing about the scale or what I am eating, I have freed myself to perhaps actually lose some weight.
  • Listening and reading about others dreams and goals. Hearing stories of achievement and success is inspiring and keeps dreaming alive. I love to hear what other people have achieved and how they did so.  It motivates me to keep trying, especially on the days when I do not feel like putting in the effort.
  • Rest!  Take time to rest your mind and body.  Try to go to bed at a time that is conducive to the time you want to wake up.  Knowing how much sleep you need to feel rested and re-energized is important.  If we are too tired, we are less inclined to get any tasks completed let alone the ones that encourage our dreams.

These are just a few things I am working on this year.  A few ways I am changing how I plan and work towards my dreams.  I have many more that I am often thinking about and imagine I will share about as they begin to emerge through my daily and weekly commitments to bringing them into reality.

What are you doing differently this year to achieve your dreams?  Three weeks into this new year are you seeing any changes in how you think about goals?  In how you plan?  As always I love to hear from you, drop me a line sharing what you do to see your dreams come true!

 

Posted in Sunday quotes

Sunday reflections (31) – final review

On this last Sunday of the year I’m thinking about all the things this year brought. Looking back through my posts and seeing where I grew and where I have more work to do. Sharing my thoughts, ideas and details of my life is a rewarding, cathartic and interesting activity for me to partake in. Writing a blog gives me an outlet to feel “published” and share thoughts with even just one who may feel empowered and encouraged. Seeing readers throughout the world is always amazing to me. I love seeing a new reader in a new country.

As I’m reviewing this blog today, I can see that I was not as consistent with writing every single Sunday as I was hoping I would be. I may have been somewhat repetitive in my posts. And I need to become more focused on what I want this blog to be.

With one year ending and a new one beginning I’m excited to set new intentions for Wordy Chick. To create a better viewing experience and better content. My original intent with this blog was to share my experiences moving through a relationship with a narcissist. It helped me to share what I was learning and hoping that maybe my experiences could help someone else as I was recovering and rebuilding my life. As my life has moved forward and far away from that moment, I’ve tried to move this blog away from that topic to more of a best self/life blog.

In evaluating today I think I’ve done that. Although the posts about recovering and moving on from a narcissist are still the most read posts, my hope for this new year is to continue to contribute new ideas about how to live your best life. This new year I plan to focus more on lists and ways to practically implement ideas to help cultivate the life you desire.

My hope is to encourage you more often. To share more of myself and learn to write better. Only by continually growing do we evolve into better. I have enjoyed watching the blogs I read and follow grow and become better. Perhaps this year you might even start a blog; knowing we each have something amazing to offer this world I encourage you to do so. You might have something important to share!

I hope you enjoy this last week of 2019. I hope you set new intentions for the new year not just a resolution that might easily be tossed aside. I look forward to sharing more of this amazing life with you.

Happy New Year!