Posted in Sunday quotes

Sunday Reflections–How do you fight?

It’s another Sunday that I am reflecting on this weekend and as couples do, we had a moment of disagreement.  This has me thinking about how we you go to battle over different thoughts, ideals or interpretations of things in couplehood?  How do you disagree, be upset or angry and yet still be loving as well?  Is this even possible?

I have read before that how a couple fights is one of the biggest determinations of their success and longevity.  How they speak and react to each other will predict if they will stand the test of time  I have no idea if this is true or not, but I can understand why this would be a large part of a relationship success study.

In an argument; when your feelings are hurt, you feel misunderstood, or you are just plain angry, most of us are not thinking clearly and often not behaving at our best.  How can we make sure our voice or view is heard while still showing respect and care to the one we love?

Having a successful relationship takes a lot of work.  It is not easy and yet I believe our human nature is to fight against this fact.  We want it to be smooth all the time.  We do not desire to argue and disagree or hurt each others feelings.  Human nature is often lazy (although we do not like to believe this; at least I do not) and to have a healthy relationship takes effort, time and energy that we do not always feel like expending.

In evaluating our disagreement post fact and knowing we desire to be among those who are successful in relationships, I thought I would share what I think are the ways to argue in a healthy way with your partner.

  1. Keep voices calm and at normal volume.  I know this may be very tough to do, but this is the person you love, why would you want to yell or scream at them?
  2. Stay committed to the issue at hand.  This can be tough, especially if you are the one who has done something to offend.  Our desire is to fight back; defend our self and take “the heat off us” so to speak.  Turning the argument into another one does not solve the first issue, stay on topic.
  3. Arguing should be done privately. Find a time that you can be alone without children or others.  Never in front of friends or in public.
  4. Stay respectful.  Know and believe that that your partner is desiring the same goal; to have a healthy, loving relationship.  Stay away from attacking each other and use I statements rather than You statements.  If you didn’t study this in school, here is what I mean: An I statement is a way to communicate that focuses on your own feelings or thoughts rather than those characteristics of the recipient.  An example of this would be: “I feel angry when the dishes are often left in the sink rather than put in the dishwasher, it makes me feel unappreciated and that I am the only one that pays attention to cleaning the kitchen.”  This is better than attacking and saying “You never wash the dishes, you do not care about a clean kitchen.” etc.    I know this is very challenging in the beginning, but the more you practice this, it becomes easier and easier.
  5. Forgive and apologize quickly.  Say you are sorry when you do something wrong.  Choose reconciliation over being right.  You are building a partnership, this requires an immense amount of grace for yourself and the one you love.

When we live with any other human we are going to have disagreements.  Living with others can help refine and shape us into our best selves if we let it. Arguments can teach us new things about our partner and give us the opportunity to grow closer.  And in choosing to live your best self; learning, changing and adapting is a requirement.  There will be struggles along the way, but perhaps these few tools will help you if you are navigating this life with another.

Have a blessed day.  Continue in choosing the path that leads you to your best life.

Posted in Sunday quotes

Sunday reflections (31) – final review

On this last Sunday of the year I’m thinking about all the things this year brought. Looking back through my posts and seeing where I grew and where I have more work to do. Sharing my thoughts, ideas and details of my life is a rewarding, cathartic and interesting activity for me to partake in. Writing a blog gives me an outlet to feel “published” and share thoughts with even just one who may feel empowered and encouraged. Seeing readers throughout the world is always amazing to me. I love seeing a new reader in a new country.

As I’m reviewing this blog today, I can see that I was not as consistent with writing every single Sunday as I was hoping I would be. I may have been somewhat repetitive in my posts. And I need to become more focused on what I want this blog to be.

With one year ending and a new one beginning I’m excited to set new intentions for Wordy Chick. To create a better viewing experience and better content. My original intent with this blog was to share my experiences moving through a relationship with a narcissist. It helped me to share what I was learning and hoping that maybe my experiences could help someone else as I was recovering and rebuilding my life. As my life has moved forward and far away from that moment, I’ve tried to move this blog away from that topic to more of a best self/life blog.

In evaluating today I think I’ve done that. Although the posts about recovering and moving on from a narcissist are still the most read posts, my hope for this new year is to continue to contribute new ideas about how to live your best life. This new year I plan to focus more on lists and ways to practically implement ideas to help cultivate the life you desire.

My hope is to encourage you more often. To share more of myself and learn to write better. Only by continually growing do we evolve into better. I have enjoyed watching the blogs I read and follow grow and become better. Perhaps this year you might even start a blog; knowing we each have something amazing to offer this world I encourage you to do so. You might have something important to share!

I hope you enjoy this last week of 2019. I hope you set new intentions for the new year not just a resolution that might easily be tossed aside. I look forward to sharing more of this amazing life with you.

Happy New Year!

Posted in Wordy Wednesday

Wordy girl Wednesday–inspired quotes

Good morning all!

Visualization; seeing what you desire to have in your life, believing it to be possible and then creating it. This is what I’m working on these days. Learning how to visualize takes just a few moments but the changes it brings can be life changing.

This quote below is my focus today. May you start this practice as well. Our dreams are first a thought away!

Posted in Sunday quotes

Sunday Reflections (29) – Mindset

I’ve been thinking the past few days about the reoccurring themes in life. There have been many times when my ideas, types of people I attracted and activities I participated in were within the same general theme. Meaning I wasn’t healthy so my actions weren’t. The people I chose to spend time with weren’t. How I thought about myself and life wasn’t very positive.

But as I’ve talked about, the past few years I’ve been committed to personal growth. To changing how I think and live. The books I read are all about this. The people I spend time with are positive and healthy. My reoccurring patterns are now about growth and mindset.

When you desire to become your best self and live your best life, you have to work on your thinking first and foremost. This thought isn’t new but it can be very tough to do.

These quotes are reminders of that theme.

What are the reoccurring themes in your life? Are they positive? Do you focus on the good in life or the bad? You can always find both.

Being committed to change and growth all starts in your mind. I encourage you to do the mind work. Find books. Podcasts. Blogs. Anything that will feed your mind in a positive way. That will help you change your patterns of thinking so you can change your patterns of living.

I’m off to read my latest book about mindset. I hope you have a fabulous Sunday.

Posted in General

Healthy relationships; a few items that are required in my view

I’m all about relationships these days. Perhaps it’s finally finding my perfect for me partner. Perhaps it’s getting engaged and focusing on creating our future. Or it’s that I’m very content and happy in this life, having learned what it takes to create a life I love.

I’ve been pondering on whether or not to make this post; because in some ways this topic is subjective. We each may see good but not necessarily healthy.

So I preface this with stating these are my views of what healthy is. What are must haves. What is required. How healthy looks to me.

After leaving a mentally abusive environment and taking the time to heal and figure out my part in the drama, I was open to finding real love. I committed to doing the work on myself so I could be capable of a healthy relationship.

And in doing that work the past few years, I’ve learned some things. Here are 5 Signs of a healthy relationship:

1. You know yourself. You love yourself. By this I mean, you are confident in what you want, what your needs are and know you’re worth having those met. You continue to grow and learn so that you’re becoming a better partner all the time.

2. You respect your partner and they respect you. This in an action word. Healthy partners speak to each other respectfully. Behave respectfully. Actions and words of respect are vital.

  • 3. You can be alone. Your partner can be alone. Choosing to have some independence in the midst of a partnership is important. You may come together as a couple but you are still an individual. Having your own goals and dreams are just as important as the ones you have together.
  • 4. You can compromise. Having a long term relationship requires the ability to put another’s needs as equally important as your own. Accepting that your partner is not you, bring their own point of view of how things are to be done and background story is vital to learning how to meet in the middle.

    5. You trust each other. Not just in the way of commitment, but in sharing of yourself. Trusting that my partner genuinely desires the best for me. For us. Showing the same. Believing being together makes us better people than apart.

    These all seem so simple and obvious when reading this list. And they really are. I could add many more items as well. But the tough part is in the action. Loving and sharing a life with someone requires work. Requires commitment to that work. A healthy relationship isn’t free from stress, tough moments, or angry moments. But it is one of committed actions to show you love and care for each other. It’s building a partnership.

    I was taught love is a verb. Having had more unhealthy than not, it’s an amazing experience to be in a healthy relationship.

    In creating the best life for yourself, learning what you need to be healthy personally, is the first step. Once you can be healthy independently, you have the ability to learn how to be healthy and loving in a partnership.

    My best life includes a partner. After many years alone it’s an amazing feeling to have a partner who shows love in action. Who helps create a life I love everyday. Who helps me be my best self.

    What do you see as your best life? Wether or not it includes a partner doesn’t matter. We are always capable of learning and growing so we have good relationships with whomever we encounter.

    May you keep working at being healthy. At building a life you love.