Posted in General

Healthy relationships; a few items that are required in my view

I’m all about relationships these days. Perhaps it’s finally finding my perfect for me partner. Perhaps it’s getting engaged and focusing on creating our future. Or it’s that I’m very content and happy in this life, having learned what it takes to create a life I love.

I’ve been pondering on whether or not to make this post; because in some ways this topic is subjective. We each may see good but not necessarily healthy.

So I preface this with stating these are my views of what healthy is. What are must haves. What is required. How healthy looks to me.

After leaving a mentally abusive environment and taking the time to heal and figure out my part in the drama, I was open to finding real love. I committed to doing the work on myself so I could be capable of a healthy relationship.

And in doing that work the past few years, I’ve learned some things. Here are 5 Signs of a healthy relationship:

1. You know yourself. You love yourself. By this I mean, you are confident in what you want, what your needs are and know you’re worth having those met. You continue to grow and learn so that you’re becoming a better partner all the time.

2. You respect your partner and they respect you. This in an action word. Healthy partners speak to each other respectfully. Behave respectfully. Actions and words of respect are vital.

  • 3. You can be alone. Your partner can be alone. Choosing to have some independence in the midst of a partnership is important. You may come together as a couple but you are still an individual. Having your own goals and dreams are just as important as the ones you have together.
  • 4. You can compromise. Having a long term relationship requires the ability to put another’s needs as equally important as your own. Accepting that your partner is not you, bring their own point of view of how things are to be done and background story is vital to learning how to meet in the middle.

    5. You trust each other. Not just in the way of commitment, but in sharing of yourself. Trusting that my partner genuinely desires the best for me. For us. Showing the same. Believing being together makes us better people than apart.

    These all seem so simple and obvious when reading this list. And they really are. I could add many more items as well. But the tough part is in the action. Loving and sharing a life with someone requires work. Requires commitment to that work. A healthy relationship isn’t free from stress, tough moments, or angry moments. But it is one of committed actions to show you love and care for each other. It’s building a partnership.

    I was taught love is a verb. Having had more unhealthy than not, it’s an amazing experience to be in a healthy relationship.

    In creating the best life for yourself, learning what you need to be healthy personally, is the first step. Once you can be healthy independently, you have the ability to learn how to be healthy and loving in a partnership.

    My best life includes a partner. After many years alone it’s an amazing feeling to have a partner who shows love in action. Who helps create a life I love everyday. Who helps me be my best self.

    What do you see as your best life? Wether or not it includes a partner doesn’t matter. We are always capable of learning and growing so we have good relationships with whomever we encounter.

    May you keep working at being healthy. At building a life you love.

    Posted in Sunday quotes

    Sunday reflections (26)

    Good morning all. It feels like summer is coming to an end with grey cloudy skies upon on us here today in the Northwest.  It’s kind of nice to have a break for a moment from hot days but I’m not quite ready for the sun to disappear.  I am however looking forward to school coming back into session. Routine is nice. With 4 kids, a dog and jobs,  routine is necessary.  But summer often seems like such a short burst of time and before we know it we are facing the routines of life again.  I find that by this time every summer, I am ready for the next season but also a tiny bit nostalgic for this one not to end.  That is the way life goes right?.

    With the season close to changing, I have been making changes as well.  Today begins week 2 of a new routine I am creating. It feels great to be working towards goals. I think setting goals, writing them down and keeping track of each time you take action towards them you feel accomplished.  It’s important to note the small steps as it can take awhile to see results; no matter what the goal is. Sometimes the tougher goals take so much longer that you can lose momentum if you don’t note the tiny incremental victories.

    So I am logging the small victory of pursuing those goals into week 2.  I had set an intention and goal to wake up early each day except one (check). I made a goal to work out numerous days; check this off too. I renewed my commitment to read daily.  And I just saw that I have written (with this one) 165 posts!  Wow I didn’t even realize.  Perhaps I will add in goals for this blog soon.

    Are you a goal setter or do you wake up each day and see what it brings?  I have a drive to pursue excellence and am almost always striving to better myself and my life.   This can get tiresome and lonely and be tough for those around me who may not view life the same way, but in order to be my best self this is what I need to do.  Each of us has a way of how we do things; finding the best way for yourself will evolve throughout life.  I have always been a goal setter but not always as committed to the work required to pursue them; this area I have definitely matured in as time has gone by. 

    Being in a season of growth and change is exciting for me.  When I am consciously choosing to work hard on my goals, when I set the time to create and plan, and then do the work, I am working on my best self in my best life.  I love seeing and feeling the growth personally which spills over into other areas of life as well.

    As the season starts to change moving into school for many of us, getting closer to Fall, I hope you find what will create the best life for you.  I hope you have goals you work towards.  I will share with you how I determine goals and how to tackle them in the coming weeks as I continue to pursue them.

    Have a fabulous start to your week.

     

    Posted in Sunday quotes

    Self care (2)

    How do you start your Sundays? Do you sleep in? Up early with little ones? Heading to church? A morning walk?

    Sunday has always been an early rise day for me, a habit still left over from growing up in church. Now I use these Sunday mornings before my house is awake; meditating and working out. The quiet before everyone rises is an important part of my day. It helps me focus, have more patience, and generally feel better about myself.

    As I was getting my cardio on, I thought about all the changes this year has brought. Today’s self care quote I attribute as the main reason. More than 9 months ago I determined this year would be different. I would be different. My life would be better. And it all starts with self-love. With knowing who you are and what you’re worth. Everything, Everything changes when we practice loving oneself.

    Posted in General

    Anniversary!

    I started this blog one year ago today. It was with the intent to offer hope, inspiration and confidence to anyone that might read. It was my way to work through the pain and grief of ending a relationship with a man I loved who was terrible for and to me. My way to understand who he was, why and how he could do the things he did and call that love. By far the blog posts about narcissistic personality disorder and the recovery from that relationship have been the most popular.

    It was not my intent to be outspoken about NPD. It wasn’t to demoralize the man I suffered from. It was to understand as much as I could about this type of relationship. All the stages of it I felt were important to share as I researched and worked through the healing process. I wanted to offer hope for anyone in a similar situation. And to show that it is possible to learn to love yourself again after this type of trauma. This blog was started with the intent to help others find their best life, as I worked to find mine.

    One year later and almost a year of no contact, I am overjoyed to be in love with my life again. To have accepted the me that could love the Narc and allow that type of abuse. To have worked through the entire process of healing and understand truly what love is and how one should be treated within that love. To have learned how to process loss and see joy on the other side. To tackle my own demons and free myself from their shackles.

    This year of blogging has been a journey of so many things. Self-discovery. Raw pain. Vulnerability. Joy. To be on the other side of NPD abuse and to now have a relationship with a man that accepts and understands who I am, who I want to be and helps me along the way in this adventure of life, is a piece of that joy. Knowing WHO I am and working daily to be MY BEST SELF is the greatest part of this journey.

    I am thankful for all I learned this last year. Thank you all who have joined me here. To all those who have and still read about NPD, I hope this blog helps provide useful tools. I hope to spend this next year more focused on Joy. On Abundance and Living a Life You Love!

    Here’s to more posts and continuing to learn to be our best selves.

    Happy Anniversary!

    Posted in General

    Mothers

    Happy Mothers day to all the mamas out there. Enjoying my pretty surprise flowers, cards and gifts from my kiddos and a lunch outing. Beautiful day.

    Hope your day is as well.