Posted in General

Stuck at home? Quarantined? 6 things you can still do to practice self care.

It’s a strange time we’re living in right now. Most everyone I know would agree we’ve not lived through moments like this before. We don’t have experience in lock downs and stay at home orders. We aren’t used to seeing folks in masks at the grocery store. Or viewing empty shelves and lines just to buy the essentials. This moment in time is new and unprecedented for most of us.

While my morning looks the same today; quiet, sun shining, coffee in hand and my family still sleeping; the world we live in isn’t the same. We sat glued to the television last night watching the expected”stay at home” order announcement. As we went about our evening after I couldn’t help but think what that means for tomorrow when I’m to go to work. It’s hard to know how this order effects my day to day life. I’m not in an essential job (in my opinion) but I’m sure my employer sees this differently. So I’m waking up in a new reality trying to make some decisions.

One thing I’m thinking on though is how to get some self care in when everyone is home and there’s very little chance to get alone time. As a mother how do I still take care of myself while all the children are around every moment? I’m sure many of you parents are stressed and worried and are busy caring for so many others that your own needs are lost in the fray.   Besides the new worries about health we still have the same stressors as before with jobs, bills and now how to make sure these kids’ education stays on track. It is a different world already and here in the US; only under 2 weeks into this crisis. 

So how do we cope?  How do we function in a world gone mad in some ways?  What do you do to stay focused on goals? To stay healthy mentally and physically?   We all know to keep distances from others outside our homes.  We know not to shake hands or hug on others.   But what do we do for our own individual sanity each day?  

Here are a few things I am doing to keep myself from becoming too overwhelmed by this moment in time: 

  1. Believe this too shall pass!  Having Faith in times of trials has always helped me.  No matter what that faith is in, call it God, Universe, etc…believing there is a purpose to life and our own individual place in it, helps me get through moments that do not make much sense.  Faith is like a house foundation for me.  It holds everything else up.
  2. Continue to keep similar routines, even with everyone home.  I have been the first one up (most days) for the last few years.  I am still continuing that.   Still starting my day with quiet meditation, reading and journaling.  Still setting my alarm to get up and start the day; not hiding under the covers.  
  3. Keep active!  Exercise is always important for physical and mental health.  Keep going for a walk; even if in your house.  Do sit ups.  Squats. Push ups.  Do things that will get your heart rate up (if you are healthy to do so) and help those positive endorphins release.  
  4. Set a time for how much you read or watch the news.  Just like crisis’s in the past, the news coverage is on 24/7.  We have access to news from all over the globe.  We have to learn to turn it off now and again.  Creating a boundary for the amount of time we devote to being hammered with information is important. Boundaries are for our protection, set limits. 
  5. Learn a new skill.   Now is the time to try something new at home that you may have always been interested in.  There have been numerous websites that are listing classes, videos, webcasts or podcasts for free.  You can probably at least get an introduction to something you have been waiting to learn.  
  6.  Get enough rest.  Do not stay up late watching another news cast.  You will be able to see it all the next day.  Do not stay up late eating cause you are stressed about how to pay everything and what will you do next.  Sleep is vital to your brain function.  You need your mind and body to function at optimal health and sleep is necessary to achieve this.  If you suffer insomnia (especially in times of stress) try to take rests often; at least close your eyes and try to turn the mind noise down.  

In times of stress it is very hard to make time for yourself and your needs.  I know we are all experiencing different reactions to this crisis, but remember each life is valuable.  YOU MATTER!  Your family needs you to be at your best.  No matter what crisis comes our way we will get to the other side.  Taking care of yourself makes you better prepared to care for others.  Keep fighting to stay healthy and sane. 

Wishing each of you good health. 

Posted in Monday Musings

Monday motivations–getting started

Thinking about how to stay on track with goals and dreams had me thinking this past weekend that maybe it’s time for a new series. I enjoyed posting a new vocabulary word last year and just always like the idea of having a specific topic to write about in a series type format.

So with that idea in mind and wanting to keep this blog continuing forward with more self care and best life tips; I’m kicking off motivation Mondays. This is where I might post a quote, a story, a list or anything I think may be of value to anyone that might need some motivation to continue to pursue your best life and tackle your goals and dreams. I know I can often use the extra push in my daily pursuit to be better than the day before.

So today, let’s kick things off! I have a list of dreams that I am dedicated to achieving in this next decade and I can use to stay on track. So today let’t start with a quote that is motivating to me; perhaps it will be for you as well.

This is where it starts! What are you thinking on? What are you hoping and planning to achieve this year? This decade? It’s starts with belief! It’s a choice of believe it’s possible. A choice to take action.

So today think about your dreams. Think on what you want for your life. Start with your thoughts. Dream about what’s possible.

Till next time…

Posted in NPD

Updated NPD post–A Recovering Narc Victim

I have been debating writing this post. I wrote at the end of the year about wanting to move this blog towards a new place, away from this topic.  But this topic still seems relevant and many of you read or reread the NPD posts so I thought I would provide a sort of “update” on this topic.  I am at a very different place than when I first started blogging about this.  But even with where I’m at now, I still struggle at times. There are still remnants; pieces that are misshapen and need tender care. There are moments of confusion and questioning myself.

I like to think because I’m healthy, have no contact with the narc and am in love and in a healthy relationship that I was all “healed” from the damage. But the truth is, being a victim of any abuse leaves you scared.  Leaves you with moments of doubt and uncertainty.

When you have been a narcissists supply, you have been deceived in a hideous, insidious way. You essentially have your brain warped; mind f’d we call it. The wires have to (in some ways) be reprogrammed to think normally again. And I’m not sure how long that takes.

So I thought I would write what this recovering looks like to me. I am not any authority on abuse or know what you need if in this situation, so please seek help if you are in danger. But I do know what I’ve studied and gone through after experiencing narcissistic abuse. What I’ve done to get healthy and perhaps some of these things can help you as well.

My steps of recovery:

1. Recognizing what abuse is. Reading and studying about narcissistic abuse. The more I learned the more power I developed to fight my mind when it wanted to believe the opposite. When I wanted to think there was actual love there, I had to unlearn the things he made me believe were love.

2. Listening to the voice that says this isn’t right. That gut instinct. The isolation from family and friends, how you’re spoken to, the hot/cold moods, the insistence to please and the forceful ways in which you are made to do so. None of that was okay. And you’re gut almost always knows this. I’ve learned to listen to it now.

3. Absolute zero contact. I read over and over how vital this is to healing and would agree. I blocked, deleted and made sure to avoid any places where any contact would be likely. I’m lucky I was able to follow through. The narc didn’t respect those boundaries all the time, but what matters is that I follow that. Often as the victim we don’t know how to sever the tie and because our brain has been messed up, we become addicted to the abuser. Zero contact was the hardest but most effective action for healing.

4. Journaling and writing about it all helped me feel less alone. Helped me understand more of this type of abuser and gave me a voice I didn’t have in any other way. And writing is a fabulous outlet to help process all the emotions you’re not sure how to handle. Sometimes just getting them out even if to just tear it up helps release those feelings that you have no where else to put them.

5. I focused on my health and creating a life I loved. I didn’t stay focused on the losses. Or the abuse. I would give it thought, write about it and then move onto something else. I read all the time. Kept busy with friends and tried to stay busy.  I became physically active to help in releasing all those happy endorphins; to keep myself positive.

Each of us has to do what we can to heal from abuse. Hopefully we choose to heal and move on in a healthy way. My process has worked for me. And yet I still have moments where I see more work to be done. The wounds are long scared over but they are still there. If you’re in the open wound or scabbed over stage, I recommend seeking help. Be part of a community that will support your healing. Take ideas from others. Read. Write. Healing from narcissistic abuse is a journey. But one you can recover from and move forward to build a beautiful life.

Posted in General

Thursday’s Thoughts–Journey Quote

Focusing on this thought and idea this morning:

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Even this holiday season, with more stress than I am used to, serves a purpose.  Perhaps I am supposed to learn how to slow down and rest more.  Or perhaps it is that family togetherness is much more important than any material gifts.  Or that giving to others is a great way to share joy this year.   Whatever I am supposed to learn in this season must still be on the way, so I am learning to wait and be patient.

If you are in a more stressful season than you would prefer, try to focus on this quote.  Try to glean what you can from these moments; knowing you are being prepared for something else.  I am holding on to there is a purpose to all this stress and I will be better for it; in time.

Have a great Thursday.

 

 

Posted in Sunday quotes

Sunday reflections (30)– intention

Waking up to another chilly, foggy morning. Looking out at the old fashioned style street lamp outside my front window that’s turned off since I’ve woken has me thinking about timing. Routine. Do you think much about your daily activities? Or are they so ingrained that you’re kind of on auto pilot each day, just going through the motions?

I’m a believer in intention. That if we want to live our best life, we must set an intention to do so and follow specific tasks to accomplish. These need to be items we can measure, account for progress.

Just like that street lamp has a timer of when it comes on and goes off, we too can set and follow a routine for completing daily tasks that will help us move towards our goals. We can even use a timer if that helps!

I’ve been practicing following an early rise, before my household is awake, getting my coffee, meditating, reading and journaling for awhile now. It’s become vital to my mental health and attitude to have the solitude and get ready to be an active member of my family, work and life.

Not everyone wakes up early. I used to work the graveyard shift and it was harder to find the quiet moments. But anything is possible when you set an intention and them follow through to make it happen.

How do you set an intention? Start with one thing you want to focus on. Make a list of how you can accomplish that. Then do the work. We tend to fall apart at the idea of actually putting in the work but that’s the only way we change our lives. Through hard, committed effort.

My intention to wake up early each day means I go to bed early. I try very hard to go to bed near the same time every night. I set my alarm for about 10 min earlier than I truly want to be awake just in case I want to hit the snooze button or snuggle up to my guy. This allows me to slightly wake up but not have to leave my warm bed quite yet. Once those minutes are up, I head downstairs to make some coffee, drink a glass of water and meditate for a few. Then I tackle readingand journaling. And I use my phone timer throughout my morning quiet time so that I stay on task.

Finding a routine to help you each day moves you closer to your expectations of the life you want. Set an intention. Then make a plan. And get to work. Enjoy those moments of progress and push through the fails. Your best life is on its way. It’s only up to you. What do you intend it to be?