Posted in Sunday quotes

Sunday reflections (21)

In thinking about what to write this Sunday, I want to be transparent as always.  As I discuss this journey to live your best self and life, I often shy away from discussing my children.  It is a piece of life I tend keep more private.  But in order to be my best self I have to (at times) share this part of me as well.  I have been in a new season in this motherhood journey I have enjoyed for the last 18years.  Having a young adult home from college for the first time, is a bringing new unexpected challenges.

Learning how to mother a young adult is new and hard!  It brings lots of joys and proud moments as I watch her reach goals and try new things.  To see her successful fills my heart.  But there are also lots of trying, difficult moments as we try to navigate this new environment.  Knowing how to parent a young adult child is just like the rest of parenthood; it comes without any guide book.

For some reason when these moments of struggle hit, I hear the words of this song below.  I thought I would share it with you today.  As I have shared before, modern Christian music will always be a genre that calms me, centers me and helps soothe some rough or thorny parts of my heart.  I can be demanding not only of myself but also of my children and partner.  It can be challenging for me to know what is the right advice to give or how to listen instead of speak.

I’m thankful for the scars.”   

In struggling how to move through these new changes I keep hearing that line.  I know my connection with these words may not be the meaning behind the song, but this is how these words speak to me.  For some reason this line in this song eases my pain and sadness that come when my daughter and I struggle.  When we have difficult conversations or can’t seem to understand each other.

I can physically see the scars on my body that bringing children into this world have left.  I can see the scar on my back where the weight of life struggles broke me down.  I can feel the scars on my heart from where I have loved, hurt and healed.  All these scars remind me that I am human.  That I am always learning.  Hopefully growing.  And we have these scars to share with others; they are our offerings to our children.  When I look at my scars as a way to help my children through life’s tough moments, they bring a sense of worthiness to all the pains of this life.  Through my scars I can show them; we may get down, we may feel broken, we may cry and writhe in pain, but we do not remain there.  Scars are pain healed over.  I get to share mine with my lover, children and friends.  Don’t hide your scars, they are part of your story.

I AM THEY -Scars
Waking up to a new sunrise
Looking back from the other side
I can see now with open eyes

Darkest water and deepest pain
I wouldn’t trade it for anything
‘Cause my brokenness brought me to you
And these wounds are a story you’ll use

So I’m thankful for the scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know your heart
And I know they’ll always tell of who you are
So forever I am thankful for the scars

Now I’m sending in confidence
With the strength of your faithfulness
And I’m not who I was before
No, I don’t have to fear anymore

So I’m thankful for the scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know your heart
And I know they’ll always tell of who you are
So forever I am thankful for the scars

I can see, I can see
How you delivered me
In your hands, in your feet
I found my victory

I can see, I can see
How you delivered me
In your hands, in your feet
I found my victory

I’m thankful for your scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know your heart
And with my life, I’ll tell of who you are
So forever I am thankful

I’m thankful for the scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know your heart
And I know they’ll always tell of who you are
So forever I am thankful for the scars
So forever I am thankful for the scars

I recommend listening to this song and finding your own interpretation.  I encourage you to find songs that you relate to, music is a great balm.  I hope you see the scars in your life as your gifts to others.  You do not have to show someone physical scars but you can use them to tell your story.  Each of us have a great story.  Each one of us are worthy to be loved.  Sharing yourself, your true authentic self, is our greatest way to give to our loved ones and others.

I hope you are able to be thankful for the road you have traveled.  For the scars you have acquired; you are living!

Do you have a song or lyrics that speak to you in difficult moments?  Do you have tips for parenting in the young adult stage of motherhood?  I would love to hear your thoughts; drop a comment or send me a message.  I love to hear your feedback.

 

Posted in General, NPD

Never-ending Love

It’s interesting to take a look at one’s own writings and see which ones have resonated the most with others.  As I look through the 77 posts I have written (wow) I can see that my most read posts have been about NPD abuse; I take that to confirm that it was the right thing to share some of my life.  That perhaps my relationship, break-up, loss and regain of freedom and joy was useful and helpful to others.

So I thought I would share a new post somewhat in connection with that topic.

As I was running an errand tonight, I was thinking about that moment in my life.  The long 3 years; the ups and downs, the good and bad, the love (or the part I believed to be love) and the unloving.  I have moments like anyone that has genuinely loved another, where I reminisce the good times and try to block out the bad.  Where I may see something that triggers a memory and am reminded.

While these thoughts were going through my head, this song came on.  I have heard it many times and it always strikes a cord.  I imagine this is the same for many of us.  Music is often a healer and for me many times, it seems to speak to me.  Seems to break through any cloudy thoughts and shines some light in.

I will always be someone who believes in some level of a higher power, a great connection to the universe and who wants to believe there is better after this life.  One of the ways I stay connected to the spiritual side of myself is to listen to Christian music.  Since I was alone in the car, I turned it up and felt these words wash over me.

Cory Asbury “Reckless Love” 
These words in particular: 
“Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights ’til I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine

When I was Your foe, still Your love fought for me
You have been so, so good to me
When I felt no worth, You paid it all for me
You have been so, so kind to me

There’s no shadow You won’t light up
Mountain You won’t climb up
Coming after me
There’s no wall You won’t kick down
Lie You won’t tear down
Coming after me”

These words reminded me how protected I was and still am; even now.  I was protected from not binding my life to a man who did not love me like this; who does not know how to love in general as we have explored.  Reminded me there was a reason I could not get past who I know him to be.  These words were showing me that Love; real love; the Right Love; will pursue, will not give up, will fight. And if it’s not right, the Real Love that comes from above, or God, or the universe, or whatever word you call your spiritual power, will find ways to show you, will not stop showing you what you are worth; what you can have; what is best.  Sometimes we listen (even when it takes awhile; 3yrs, sigh) and sometimes we make mistakes.  But it will not stop seeking to show us better. To show us what love is supposed to be like.

It took me awhile to believe I was better off.  That I wasn’t missing something that should be for me.  Today, I am beyond grateful that I have learned what love should be.  That I did not settle for less.  Thankful that I was shown the true colors again and again so that I was not blind to what I would’ve been accepting.  And I am thankful I have always known (deep down, hidden for a while) the kind of love I want.  The kind I truly deserve and am worth.   So I was able to finally accept that what I was getting, what I thought I wanted, what I was missing (after leaving) was not the Best for me.  Was not the kind of love anyone wants.

And as I know this song is truly talking about the Christian version of God, his love and pursuit of us, I am taking the liberty to apply these words to love in general.  Starting with yourself.  That we should be reckless in the self-love that we have.  When we overwhelming love who we see in the mirror, we are free to pursue the right things for our lives.  We will love others with abandon, with freedom, with joy.  When we are filled up with true love, we can’t help but love others the way this song claims “God” loves us.

I hope you have an overwhelming, never-ending, reckless kind of love for yourself.  And that you are free to love the others in your life with the same.

Listen here:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in General

Connected Shelters

The sun is shining here in the northwest today.  The air is crisp but not too cold.  A perfect day for a run.  A mellow day at home,  working on chores,  writing,  relaxing.  A good kind of day.

But as the world often does,  it smacks us with pain and sorrow when we least expect it.  I received news this afternoon from a friend of a tragedy in their world.  And my heart breaks.

I am struck with the way we are connected when we love and care for others.  That once someone truly has a piece of our hearts,  we can’t fully ever get it back and there’s a bond that even time and distance doesn’t fully sever.

Now we don’t have to act upon this bond.  Sometimes we let that piece go,  forgetting we ever gave it away.  When the universe shows us the link,  we don’t have to answer the call.

But sometimes I think the universe reminds us were all connected.  I had sent a message to this friend earlier today,  asking if something was up.  Having no way to know,  that yes,  indeed, something was going on.   These are the moments when I’m shown that when you decide folks are a part of your tribe,  it’s possibly binding.  That perhaps there was a reason I felt the need to contact this friend; today.

As I grieve for my friend and wish to send positive thoughts, I heard this song:
Brother by Need to Breathe.  This song resonated with me as I think of the ties that bind us.  The ways we remain connected.   And I thought I would share the chorus:

Brother let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low
Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

I have heard this song many times before, but today it hit me a little differently as I was thinking about how we are to be shelters for one another.  We are to carry each other’s burdens and share the load.  We are not designed to live this life in a bubble alone, we need others. We need brothers. Sisters.  Sometimes we need to lean on one another.

May you hug your loved ones a little tighter this evening.  May you be a fortress in a storm for those that need you to be.  And may we show love to each other, every day.

Posted in General

Music

Often times music speaks to many of us, today I’m replaying lyrics…

“It takes time to make your courage strong”

“You can’t change without a fallout”

I’m not all that religious,  maybe more spiritual,  but this song,  Hard Love, by Need to Breathe just speaks to me.

Sometimes the storms come to make us into who we were meant to be.  Today I’m thinking about all the things that have come into my life that could’ve broken me,  instead they are changing me,  into a better me.

This is today’s song for me.  What music speaks to you?

Link to this song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tE3Fp8C_ufg

 

Posted in General

While I decide next post…

I spent the weekend struggling with some stuff and how much of my life to share. How honest and transparent to be. As I choose to be real as much as possible and I started this blog to be inspirational, helpful, hopeful and so that my experiences can be useful in some way,  I’ll be sharing with y’all  But I got a little sidetracked as I was directed; told, instructed what I should and should not blog about.  Seriously?!
So while I ponder what I want to do with that…I thought I would post a few songs I listened to today.   Enjoy…today was a country kind of day.   Plus I had to add a song that is fitting for the moment!