Posted in Sunday quotes

Sunday reflections (21)

In thinking about what to write this Sunday, I want to be transparent as always.  As I discuss this journey to live your best self and life, I often shy away from discussing my children.  It is a piece of life I tend keep more private.  But in order to be my best self I have to (at times) share this part of me as well.  I have been in a new season in this motherhood journey I have enjoyed for the last 18years.  Having a young adult home from college for the first time, is a bringing new unexpected challenges.

Learning how to mother a young adult is new and hard!  It brings lots of joys and proud moments as I watch her reach goals and try new things.  To see her successful fills my heart.  But there are also lots of trying, difficult moments as we try to navigate this new environment.  Knowing how to parent a young adult child is just like the rest of parenthood; it comes without any guide book.

For some reason when these moments of struggle hit, I hear the words of this song below.  I thought I would share it with you today.  As I have shared before, modern Christian music will always be a genre that calms me, centers me and helps soothe some rough or thorny parts of my heart.  I can be demanding not only of myself but also of my children and partner.  It can be challenging for me to know what is the right advice to give or how to listen instead of speak.

I’m thankful for the scars.”   

In struggling how to move through these new changes I keep hearing that line.  I know my connection with these words may not be the meaning behind the song, but this is how these words speak to me.  For some reason this line in this song eases my pain and sadness that come when my daughter and I struggle.  When we have difficult conversations or can’t seem to understand each other.

I can physically see the scars on my body that bringing children into this world have left.  I can see the scar on my back where the weight of life struggles broke me down.  I can feel the scars on my heart from where I have loved, hurt and healed.  All these scars remind me that I am human.  That I am always learning.  Hopefully growing.  And we have these scars to share with others; they are our offerings to our children.  When I look at my scars as a way to help my children through life’s tough moments, they bring a sense of worthiness to all the pains of this life.  Through my scars I can show them; we may get down, we may feel broken, we may cry and writhe in pain, but we do not remain there.  Scars are pain healed over.  I get to share mine with my lover, children and friends.  Don’t hide your scars, they are part of your story.

I AM THEY -Scars
Waking up to a new sunrise
Looking back from the other side
I can see now with open eyes

Darkest water and deepest pain
I wouldn’t trade it for anything
‘Cause my brokenness brought me to you
And these wounds are a story you’ll use

So I’m thankful for the scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know your heart
And I know they’ll always tell of who you are
So forever I am thankful for the scars

Now I’m sending in confidence
With the strength of your faithfulness
And I’m not who I was before
No, I don’t have to fear anymore

So I’m thankful for the scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know your heart
And I know they’ll always tell of who you are
So forever I am thankful for the scars

I can see, I can see
How you delivered me
In your hands, in your feet
I found my victory

I can see, I can see
How you delivered me
In your hands, in your feet
I found my victory

I’m thankful for your scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know your heart
And with my life, I’ll tell of who you are
So forever I am thankful

I’m thankful for the scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know your heart
And I know they’ll always tell of who you are
So forever I am thankful for the scars
So forever I am thankful for the scars

I recommend listening to this song and finding your own interpretation.  I encourage you to find songs that you relate to, music is a great balm.  I hope you see the scars in your life as your gifts to others.  You do not have to show someone physical scars but you can use them to tell your story.  Each of us have a great story.  Each one of us are worthy to be loved.  Sharing yourself, your true authentic self, is our greatest way to give to our loved ones and others.

I hope you are able to be thankful for the road you have traveled.  For the scars you have acquired; you are living!

Do you have a song or lyrics that speak to you in difficult moments?  Do you have tips for parenting in the young adult stage of motherhood?  I would love to hear your thoughts; drop a comment or send me a message.  I love to hear your feedback.

 

Posted in General, NPD

Random thoughts again

I saw this the other day and I was thinking about the past couple years. How painful they were. How degrading, defeating and discouraging being with a Narc was. How tough the climb out of the hole was.

But reading this and looking at my life now, I’m so thankful for where I am. For the lessons learned through it all. And the happiness I have in knowing the pain has left me, because I’ve learned and grown.

Sometimes we have to lean into the pain. To let it wash over us, to cleanse us in a way. To create new.

My heart and mind are over flowing with joy. In my self. My life. In new adventures.

If going through the pain, hold on, it will leave you when it’s run the course. Hugs and hope for us all. 😊

Posted in General

Tough moments

Some days are harder than others.  We all have good days and bad.  We have moments of sadness, loneliness, and longing.  We have moments that we can’t stop laughing, smiling or just plain joy that fills us up.  Today has been a mixture of all those things.  It’s many many months later and sometimes I am overwhelmed with the loss of missing someone I loved beyond reason.  Most days I love my life, but there are moments that I struggle like everyone else…today, today I am holding onto this thought I wrote a while ago when thinking about this:

“I am so in love with this beautiful life, in the midst of chaos or calm, good or bad, tears or joy; may I always see the beauty that is my life.” (JSD) 

Wherever you are tonight, I hope you know that you are not alone.  This life is not a journey that any of us really do alone; we are all connected.  We are just in different stages of going through something.  Whether we are at the beginning, middle or end, each stage offers a new opportunity to learn and grow.

I am not sure why I am at the particular moment I am in, but I do believe it is to make me the best version of myself possible.  There is still something I am to learn that will help me in the future.  I am going to choose to be thankful for all the lessons, even when I can not understand the why’s.

I hope that you are so in love with your life, whether it’s a good day or bad.  No matter if it is calm or chaotic, your heart is heavy or light, that you wake up each day grateful for another chance to ride this ride.