It’s another Sunday that I am reflecting on this weekend and as couples do, we had a moment of disagreement. This has me thinking about how we you go to battle over different thoughts, ideals or interpretations of things in couplehood? How do you disagree, be upset or angry and yet still be loving as well? Is this even possible?
I have read before that how a couple fights is one of the biggest determinations of their success and longevity. How they speak and react to each other will predict if they will stand the test of time I have no idea if this is true or not, but I can understand why this would be a large part of a relationship success study.
In an argument; when your feelings are hurt, you feel misunderstood, or you are just plain angry, most of us are not thinking clearly and often not behaving at our best. How can we make sure our voice or view is heard while still showing respect and care to the one we love?
Having a successful relationship takes a lot of work. It is not easy and yet I believe our human nature is to fight against this fact. We want it to be smooth all the time. We do not desire to argue and disagree or hurt each others feelings. Human nature is often lazy (although we do not like to believe this; at least I do not) and to have a healthy relationship takes effort, time and energy that we do not always feel like expending.
In evaluating our disagreement post fact and knowing we desire to be among those who are successful in relationships, I thought I would share what I think are the ways to argue in a healthy way with your partner.
- Keep voices calm and at normal volume. I know this may be very tough to do, but this is the person you love, why would you want to yell or scream at them?
- Stay committed to the issue at hand. This can be tough, especially if you are the one who has done something to offend. Our desire is to fight back; defend our self and take “the heat off us” so to speak. Turning the argument into another one does not solve the first issue, stay on topic.
- Arguing should be done privately. Find a time that you can be alone without children or others. Never in front of friends or in public.
- Stay respectful. Know and believe that that your partner is desiring the same goal; to have a healthy, loving relationship. Stay away from attacking each other and use I statements rather than You statements. If you didn’t study this in school, here is what I mean: An I statement is a way to communicate that focuses on your own feelings or thoughts rather than those characteristics of the recipient. An example of this would be: “I feel angry when the dishes are often left in the sink rather than put in the dishwasher, it makes me feel unappreciated and that I am the only one that pays attention to cleaning the kitchen.” This is better than attacking and saying “You never wash the dishes, you do not care about a clean kitchen.” etc. I know this is very challenging in the beginning, but the more you practice this, it becomes easier and easier.
- Forgive and apologize quickly. Say you are sorry when you do something wrong. Choose reconciliation over being right. You are building a partnership, this requires an immense amount of grace for yourself and the one you love.
When we live with any other human we are going to have disagreements. Living with others can help refine and shape us into our best selves if we let it. Arguments can teach us new things about our partner and give us the opportunity to grow closer. And in choosing to live your best self; learning, changing and adapting is a requirement. There will be struggles along the way, but perhaps these few tools will help you if you are navigating this life with another.
Have a blessed day. Continue in choosing the path that leads you to your best life.
I was reading an article the other day about the power of gratitude. How the simple act of being thankful on the daily can rewire nuerons in your brain. How cool is that?!
One simple thing has that much power as to change my brain function?! And it’s such a simple choice to say thank you. To focus on the things you’re grateful for in your partner, kids, parents, job, etc. It’s too easy not to do.
Reflecting on how I can be thankful for more things more often. Perhaps a challenge will be on it’s way soon.
This past weekend I was reading through old posts, thinking about what I have written, where I am now and how I want this blog to grow and evolve. In looking back through some of my old posts, I found the one about how to get out of the morning funk and thought it was a pretty good list. I like lists. I like seeing progress. And I think I often do these items, with some modifications, and each day I am able to stay centered and fairly up beat and in a good mood (most of the time).
I have updated this and hope this list will inspire you to start your day in a positive mindset. To build your best life, you must clean house in your mind. You must clean out the cobwebs, get rid of the junk and generally keep it neat and tidy in there. These are some tips on how to do that.
5 things you can do to start your day from a great place!
- Start with some stretches! Perhaps a bit of yoga. By this, I truly mean about 5 min of stretching. Cat, Camel, Child’s Pose. I try some deep breathing as I sat in these poses. Trying not to think about anything for just a few minutes. Clear out my head.
- Journal. Write down what you are thinking, what your dreams were about perhaps. Again taking just a few minutes and write random thoughts. Sometimes your best ideas come right after sleep. I try to keep my journals next to my bed for those thoughts that hit before I fall asleep but also for the start of my day. Free flow or be deliberate, but just write.
- Drink a large glass of water! Before coffee! Not sure I need more info on that. Just do it. It’s good for your body.
- Read. Again, just 5-10 minutes. Sometimes all I have time for in the morning is to read for this brief time. But it helps me to start actively using my mind. I like the “one day at time” style for this time of day. Something inspiring, heartfelt, quick.
- Make your “to do” list for the day. Knowing what tasks you need to tackle for the day, keeping it to just a few items, will keep you focused. Being able to cross them off will help you feel accomplished.
As you can see, I like to make lists. I like to use a pen and paper for some of these things. Some may prefer digital. I like being able to cross items off my lists and see some completion. Not all are required to start my day off on the right foot, but each day that I do these 5 things, I am better prepared and calmly equipped to tackle a new day.
Do you have things you do to start your day in the best way possible? Please share.
Oh–one last tip; don’t hit the snooze! Wake up! Put your feet on the floor! Embrace that you are alive another day! Happy Monday!
This year is rapidly coming to a close. For some 2017 may have been the Year! Business, relationships, career, perhaps many great things happened in these areas of your life.
For me, I can not wait to say goodbye to this year and hello to 2018! 2017 was a hard year emotionally and physically for me. If you’ve been reading my blog, you know I spent a lot of the year moving through and healing from an abusive relationship. You also know I had back surgery and have been recovering from that as well. It was a bit tough.
As we are finishing up this last week of the year and heading into the new, I thought I would finish with sharing the joys of this last year as I’m looking forward positively. I find it helpful to take a look back, sort through and get ready for the new.
The highlights of 2017:
- Enjoying living in a house rather than an apartment.
- Becoming closer to my teenagers.
- No more living in daily pain; back surgery a success.
- Started a blog.
- Learned about loss and healing.
- Spent time with family that I’d not seen in years.
- Traveled to new states with my children.
- Able to share the holidays with family, some for the first time.
- Made new friends, cultivated and grew some others.
- Began a daily workout routine.
- Learned the value of meditation.
As tough as 2017 may have been, there were still many great things that occurred. I’m a big believer in mindset, that what we focus on will magnify. So as the year comes to a close, I’m encouraging you to take stock of what went right, what were the positives that happened in your life.
I’ll be making some changes to wordychick.com as we begin 2018, look for them. As always, I welcome your feedback.
Happy New Year!