This week will be lighter posting load as we begin another holiday week. Back on schedule next week.
This year, Thanksgiving 2017, looks a lot different than last year. Thanksgiving of 2016, was a huge low point of my life thus far. Starting the day coming home from work to having a serviceman leave his family, to attempt to put air in my tires, standing in the pouring down rain, only to identify that they were slashed! Both tires on the passenger side of my car, by my ex-fiance. In the midst of a broken relationship, being threatened, bullied, and filing police reports, it was tough to find many things to be thankful for. While others were spending their time celebrating, enjoy a great time with family, I was spending time having my car towed and taking money away from feeding my children to put new tires on my vehicle. And asking family and friends to help me get into work.
As this was not a situation I had ever been in, having not grown up around abuse and folks who harmed or threatened, that experience was particularly traumatic. I’m not sure I’m removed enough from the trauma this human has caused in my life and my children’s, to say I’m thankful for that day, but I’m very grateful for where we are today.
This year, we are free from harm. Right away, I found the perfect house for us to rent, close to work and family. I’m so thankful for finding a new place within days of contacting the police and realizing what kind of person I was dealing with. My family, friends, and co-workers were able to move us one week after the incident.
It can be hard to find things to be grateful for in the midst of harm and abuse. In the midst of loss and recovery. In between putting lives back together, with misshapen pieces and heartache. With continued harassment, threats and all the Narc affects I have mentioned in previous posts.
But we can! We must! For ourselves and our children! For those watching how we live out our lives. We can find things to be thankful for even when still recovering from the chaos. It’s forging that new life that helps create thanksgiving moments. Here are some of my reasons for gratitude this year:
- I’m grateful for those who speak out about NPD. Who share their stories and lessons to help others. For a community of women and men who have shared their stories and roads to recovery. For those that show me that staying silent doesn’t help anyone; that sharing the harm can be useful to others.
- I’m grateful for my amazing children. Thankful to see them happy again. Who can honestly express how they feel again. Who share with me how grateful they are we didn’t have babies, live together, or actually get married. Seeing my children content, brave and peaceful; THAT alone is a reason to celebrate a holiday of Thanksgiving!
- I’m thankful to be where I am today. Each day getting healthier. Each week of No Contact allowing the truth to resonate deeper. Accepting the gift of this life, right where I am. Letting go of needing folks to like me; in the past so much so that I’d accept name calling, abuse, lying, cheating, etc as love. Now accepting the truth and moving into a more peaceful life.
- Beyond grateful for family and friends who always have my back! Having friends that let me be there for them as well. Thankful that only one relationship was lost this last year; the one with the Narc, the one that wasn’t healthy for me anyway. For how close I am to my children and my family. That I get to enjoy those I love without stress.
- Thankful for surgery and not living in daily pain. For having a job that provides insurance that allowed for this.
- For all things that make me laugh. We are back to laughing almost every day! One of my favorite quotes is about how each day may not be great, but there are great moments at some point each day…Grateful that we live this out these days!
This Thanksgiving, I’m not standing in puddles having my world rocked. I’m standing in the sunlight, in the truth of what love really is. Walking in the warmth of love, knowledge, and self-forgiveness. Embracing the bright future ahead.
Search for the small and large things to be thankful for today and hopefully every day. We get to start each day fresh, seek new joys, find the great moments within each day.
Have a great Thanksgiving.