Posted in Sunday quotes

Sunday reflections (26)

Good morning all. It feels like summer is coming to an end with grey cloudy skies upon on us here today in the Northwest.  It’s kind of nice to have a break for a moment from hot days but I’m not quite ready for the sun to disappear.  I am however looking forward to school coming back into session. Routine is nice. With 4 kids, a dog and jobs,  routine is necessary.  But summer often seems like such a short burst of time and before we know it we are facing the routines of life again.  I find that by this time every summer, I am ready for the next season but also a tiny bit nostalgic for this one not to end.  That is the way life goes right?.

With the season close to changing, I have been making changes as well.  Today begins week 2 of a new routine I am creating. It feels great to be working towards goals. I think setting goals, writing them down and keeping track of each time you take action towards them you feel accomplished.  It’s important to note the small steps as it can take awhile to see results; no matter what the goal is. Sometimes the tougher goals take so much longer that you can lose momentum if you don’t note the tiny incremental victories.

So I am logging the small victory of pursuing those goals into week 2.  I had set an intention and goal to wake up early each day except one (check). I made a goal to work out numerous days; check this off too. I renewed my commitment to read daily.  And I just saw that I have written (with this one) 165 posts!  Wow I didn’t even realize.  Perhaps I will add in goals for this blog soon.

Are you a goal setter or do you wake up each day and see what it brings?  I have a drive to pursue excellence and am almost always striving to better myself and my life.   This can get tiresome and lonely and be tough for those around me who may not view life the same way, but in order to be my best self this is what I need to do.  Each of us has a way of how we do things; finding the best way for yourself will evolve throughout life.  I have always been a goal setter but not always as committed to the work required to pursue them; this area I have definitely matured in as time has gone by. 

Being in a season of growth and change is exciting for me.  When I am consciously choosing to work hard on my goals, when I set the time to create and plan, and then do the work, I am working on my best self in my best life.  I love seeing and feeling the growth personally which spills over into other areas of life as well.

As the season starts to change moving into school for many of us, getting closer to Fall, I hope you find what will create the best life for you.  I hope you have goals you work towards.  I will share with you how I determine goals and how to tackle them in the coming weeks as I continue to pursue them.

Have a fabulous start to your week.

 

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Posted in lists, Sunday quotes

Sunday Reflections (22): 5 tips to shake off a “no reason” for a bad mood.

Do you ever wake up and feel overwhelmed by all the things left to do before going back to work for the week?  Or just feeling a bit cranky but you don’t know why?  That is how I am feeling today.  Most of the time I wake up refreshed and ready to tackle the day.  I am more inclined to be an optimist and focus on the good, or at least try, but today I am a finding that to be more of a challenge.

Somedays are just like that right?! There may be now reason for the off mood.  There may be nothing wrong in your home or relationships or job.  But for whatever reason you have a more negative attitude.  Do you work on changing those feelings when you have them or do you wallow in them?

Truth be told, sometimes I wallow.  Not for long, but sometimes I just mire in the bad mood.  This happens more when I am not sure why I am even feeling off.  But I do not like to stay cranky.  I have a partner, children and a life I love that I do not like to waste much of my time feeling negative.  When days like today creep in, I have a few tricks I use to work myself out of a mood.  Perhaps some of these will help you as well.

5 tips to shake off a “no reason” for a bad mood: 

  1. Write a list.  Write down all the tasks you feel like you have to get done today or this week.  I find that writing down the tasks that I feel are overwhelming me helps me get clear and focused.  Often times the list is much smaller than I think it is.  Like today; I am feeling that my house needs to be cleaned and picked up more.  But when I made my list; I really only have a couple things to complete.  My house is not near as messy as I was thinking in my head.
  2. Breathe.  Meditate.  I learned the a few years ago the value of meditation.  It is not an easy task for me at all!  It seems as if my thoughts are never quiet and I have a tough time calming my mind.  When I practice this it is best for me to just stand tall in my living room, taking a few deep breaths with my eyes closed.  I start with the yoga tree pose most often.  Then I may move into child’s pose and cat and cow poses.  I usually try to end with the warrior pose, making me end on a strong note.  Practicing some yoga and meditation in the morning has helped me stay centered and calm throughout the day.
  3. Take a walk.  This tip is one that I see so very often, but it is one of the best ones.  There is something refreshing about getting outside and breathing in the fresh air.  Getting our bodies moving is also a way to release feel good hormones.  Any exercise will help but I think there is something special in taking a walk.  It is usually not too difficult nor strenuous and can just be a quiet moment in the chaos of our days.
  4. Listen to music.  As I was starting my chores (from that list I made) I put on music.  Find musicians that speak to your for different reasons.  Today I needed calm, relaxing music.  Even though I was working and that would usually be a time for upbeat, fast, maybe loud styles, today I needed something different.  Music can be a great distraction and sometimes you just need to sing it out.
  5. Watch a funny video.  I am not a watcher of youtube much.  I do not have funny memes on my phone.  But I have teenagers.  They are always a great resource for funny videos and finding things that will make me laugh.  Often times these are so random, it’s impossible not to laugh.  Sometimes to redirect your thoughts, you need something random to distract you.  I find that laughter has always worked for me when I can’t seem to shake a bad mood.

No matter what mood you might be in, these tricks can help keep you calm and centered.  These are not just for a bad mood.  Often times these work best when practiced often.  I hope if you are starting your day slightly off, you try a few of these and see if they work for you.

Think I will head out for a walk now.

And just needed another pretty picture to remind myself of the beauty in this world.

 

Posted in Sunday quotes

Sunday reflections (21)

In thinking about what to write this Sunday, I want to be transparent as always.  As I discuss this journey to live your best self and life, I often shy away from discussing my children.  It is a piece of life I tend keep more private.  But in order to be my best self I have to (at times) share this part of me as well.  I have been in a new season in this motherhood journey I have enjoyed for the last 18years.  Having a young adult home from college for the first time, is a bringing new unexpected challenges.

Learning how to mother a young adult is new and hard!  It brings lots of joys and proud moments as I watch her reach goals and try new things.  To see her successful fills my heart.  But there are also lots of trying, difficult moments as we try to navigate this new environment.  Knowing how to parent a young adult child is just like the rest of parenthood; it comes without any guide book.

For some reason when these moments of struggle hit, I hear the words of this song below.  I thought I would share it with you today.  As I have shared before, modern Christian music will always be a genre that calms me, centers me and helps soothe some rough or thorny parts of my heart.  I can be demanding not only of myself but also of my children and partner.  It can be challenging for me to know what is the right advice to give or how to listen instead of speak.

I’m thankful for the scars.”   

In struggling how to move through these new changes I keep hearing that line.  I know my connection with these words may not be the meaning behind the song, but this is how these words speak to me.  For some reason this line in this song eases my pain and sadness that come when my daughter and I struggle.  When we have difficult conversations or can’t seem to understand each other.

I can physically see the scars on my body that bringing children into this world have left.  I can see the scar on my back where the weight of life struggles broke me down.  I can feel the scars on my heart from where I have loved, hurt and healed.  All these scars remind me that I am human.  That I am always learning.  Hopefully growing.  And we have these scars to share with others; they are our offerings to our children.  When I look at my scars as a way to help my children through life’s tough moments, they bring a sense of worthiness to all the pains of this life.  Through my scars I can show them; we may get down, we may feel broken, we may cry and writhe in pain, but we do not remain there.  Scars are pain healed over.  I get to share mine with my lover, children and friends.  Don’t hide your scars, they are part of your story.

I AM THEY -Scars
Waking up to a new sunrise
Looking back from the other side
I can see now with open eyes

Darkest water and deepest pain
I wouldn’t trade it for anything
‘Cause my brokenness brought me to you
And these wounds are a story you’ll use

So I’m thankful for the scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know your heart
And I know they’ll always tell of who you are
So forever I am thankful for the scars

Now I’m sending in confidence
With the strength of your faithfulness
And I’m not who I was before
No, I don’t have to fear anymore

So I’m thankful for the scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know your heart
And I know they’ll always tell of who you are
So forever I am thankful for the scars

I can see, I can see
How you delivered me
In your hands, in your feet
I found my victory

I can see, I can see
How you delivered me
In your hands, in your feet
I found my victory

I’m thankful for your scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know your heart
And with my life, I’ll tell of who you are
So forever I am thankful

I’m thankful for the scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know your heart
And I know they’ll always tell of who you are
So forever I am thankful for the scars
So forever I am thankful for the scars

I recommend listening to this song and finding your own interpretation.  I encourage you to find songs that you relate to, music is a great balm.  I hope you see the scars in your life as your gifts to others.  You do not have to show someone physical scars but you can use them to tell your story.  Each of us have a great story.  Each one of us are worthy to be loved.  Sharing yourself, your true authentic self, is our greatest way to give to our loved ones and others.

I hope you are able to be thankful for the road you have traveled.  For the scars you have acquired; you are living!

Do you have a song or lyrics that speak to you in difficult moments?  Do you have tips for parenting in the young adult stage of motherhood?  I would love to hear your thoughts; drop a comment or send me a message.  I love to hear your feedback.

 

Posted in Sunday quotes

Sunday reflections (19)

I thought this was great. I’ve spent a lot of time focused on success, this might be better. What if this was our guiding thought instead.

Have a great start to your week. Focus on what brings you satisfaction.

Posted in Sunday quotes

Sunday reflections (18)

Waking up to a beautiful lake view this morning! Quiet and peaceful as we start another weekend of celebration. Birthdays and Father’s day! Enjoy your loved ones today!

Thank you babe for being there for all the kids, for being all this!

Posted in General

Facing fear

I’m in over-drive today. Lack of sleep. Lots of mind whirling today as we have new opportunities to decide about.  Thoughts a bit overwhelmed by all the ideas floating about.

And as I’m working through the pros and cons of new possibilities, I’m reminded of these thoughts/quotes. I’m reflecting on these as I desire to live my best life.

I am pretty content each day.  I am living so many parts of my definition of a great life.  And I am committed to being the best me I can be. Sometimes that means I have to tackle fear of the unknown. Fear of making a bad decision. Fear of failing.

And because I’ve seen the rewards that come from pushing past fear. Overcoming failure, I am reflecting on what decisions I need to make to continue on this path.

May you relate to these quotes if tackling important decisions. Facing new ideas or possibilities. Don’t let fear hold you back.

Posted in NPD

Narcissist Drama

I have been watching the stats on my site for quite some time now and the most read posts are those about NPD abuse.  I thought that as I moved forward; away from this chapter of my life; writing more about self care this would become less but that does not seem to be the case.  I know this is a still an important topic to discuss.

So I thought I would write something new about NPD in hopes to continue to educate and encourage anyone going through this type of relationship.  Or for those that are on the other side of the abuse but may still need information from time to time.

And one area that I may not have touched on before is the Drama that the Narc thrives on.  The more of it the better.  The more chaos they can create for the primary source, secondary or even one discarded; the more supply they receive.  If the Narc can create drama for you; they get validated somehow.  One who is healthy usually wishes to avoid drama, so this is tough to comprehend.

But when I think of a Narc, my view is that of a flea.  A nasty, annoying little mite that can not survive without a host.  We itch and claw to make them go away.   We watch our pets scratch and shake in attempt to get rid of these. And we put special medication on them to help them.  Just like our pets need our help, we have to help each other in staying the healthy course.  We have to learn some new ways of coping and how to avoid the drama the Narc creates.

So I thought we should explore some ways to combat the drama that might occur when the Narc makes contact. When (NOT IF), the Narc makes contact; we have a choice.  No matter how much time has gone by; no matter if they have moved on; are “committed” to someone else; you are committed to someone else; you have relocated, had no contact for over a year or more; the Narc will make contact.

When the contact is made you may not feel like you had any choices in that moment.  You may be confused as to how they were even able to call you, see you, email you.  You may have felt that you were insulated in your new world.  You might feel, as I did, that the length of time of no contact meant a true moving on.  But don’t let that confusion derail you from the path you are on now. Don’t spend too much time on the how or why.  That doesn’t really matter.

What matters is continuing to focus on your own health.  On your current situation and circumstances.  If you are in a healthy relationship now, continue to thrive.  If you are working on getting healthy and the Narc has broken your no contact boundaries; it’s a reset moment.  It is not a failure on your part!

Here are a few ways to stop the Narc from creating drama in your world:

  1. Tell everyone when they have made contact.  Do not stay silent.  Do not hide the contact from your new, healthy partner, your family and friends.  You did nothing wrong. You need the support of those around you to stay the course.
  2.  Do not give it too much thought and attention.  Let the dark cloud this creates roll past you quickly.  Stay focused on all your progress and the healthy life you have now.
  3.  If need be; re-block phone numbers, emails, any contact information. Change your contact information, like you phone number or email address if need be. Move if you need to.  DO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO BE SAFE.
  4. Continue to do the things you enjoy.  DO NOT let the Narc win by confusing your mind.  DO NOT let them live rent free in your head!  (thanks babe for that piece of advice)
  5. Re-evaluate your boundaries and be very clear (with yourself) on the consequences if they are broken.  That may mean knowing how to initiate a restraining order.  That may mean contacting your HR department at work.  Installing cameras around your home.  Alerting the authorities to a stalker situation.

You do not have to be dragged into the drama these folks wish to create.  You are healthy now.  You have choices.  You have boundaries.  And when these are broken, think of these ways to stop the dam from bursting.  Know that you are not alone.  You have strong men and women who have gone before you; who are in this with you and you can continue to move on.

Drama is not a part of our world anymore!